I’m a crap, angry mother
I’m at the end of my tether most days. My 8 month old is absolutely fine but my 2.5 year old is going to be the death of me. She’s been so hard at every stage of life. She was a screaming, colicky baby who hated sleep. I keep waiting for it to get easier with her and it is only getting worse. I am angry, tearful and struggling. She goes to nursery two days a week and my mood is 10 times better on those days. I’m calm, happy, regulated.
My mum occasionally ‘helps’. I do know I’m lucky to have someone as lots of mothers don’t but I do find her pretty useless. I feel I’m still looking after them but just in her house and she goes on trips out of the house or goes to cook food or basically finds anything to do that doesn’t involve directly helping me. Then she criticises my parenting on top of everything. My husband is good but he works so obviously I’m dealing with them most of the time.
I know my toddler is just a baby really. I know she is just learning about the world and testing boundaries. But when it’s a constant endless barrage of tantrums, negotiations, hitting, screaming I just lose my shit sometimes and scream at her. And then I cry like a baby and apologise for being such a shit mum. I don’t want to damage her. I want her to have a healthy, happy regulated mum but I just feel like I’ve turned into my own mum who is quick to anger. And now I see her getting angry and I think she’s just learning from me.
I’m not depressed, I’m just finding parenting her really, really hard. I love her so so much but I feel like I can breathe when I have some time away from her. I don’t understand if I’ve got a very spirited, difficult toddler or if I’m just a crap mum who can’t cope. She’s a delight in nursery but my parents say she’s hard work and my friends have made comments about her behaviour. She has wonderful moments and can be so loving.
Just wanted to vent. And maybe for someone to tell me their demon toddler turned into an angel child lol.