My husband says wanting a small photography side hustle means I’m not embracing motherhood. Am I being selfish?
My husband and I have different views on whether I should start a small photography side business.
I’m a stay-at-home mom with two young children (2 years old and 4 months old). Before becoming a mom, I worked in photography and videography, and lately I’ve been thinking about offering very small family photo sessions near my home. My goal isn’t primarily money. I miss using my creative skills, connecting with people, and having something that’s my own outside of motherhood.
The practical side is already figured out. The sessions would be close to home, only occasional, and my mother-in-law has offered to watch the kids during them. It wouldn’t require my husband to provide childcare or take time away from work.
When I brought it up, my husband said he thinks it’s selfish. He feels that because I have the opportunity to stay home with our children, I should focus fully on that. He also thinks the amount of money I would earn isn’t worth the time spent away from the kids. He suggested waiting until our youngest is around 1.5 years old before pursuing anything like this.
What hurt me most was that he said my desire to work on something outside the home makes him think I’m not enjoying motherhood and that I have unrealistic ideas similar to some single mothers who believe they can make money and leave their families behind.
For context, my own mother recently passed away. She was an incredibly devoted mother and gave everything to raising my brother and me. I will always be grateful for that. At the same time, as she got older, she struggled with depression, had difficulty finding her own identity outside of motherhood, and became increasingly isolated. Watching that has made me realize that I don’t want my entire sense of self to disappear into one role, even though I love being a mother.
I genuinely believe it’s possible to be a loving, present mother while also having a small creative outlet or side business.
Am I being selfish for wanting to do this now? Should I wait until my youngest is older, or is it reasonable to start small while maintaining my responsibilities at home?