I’m so happy to say I’ve left
You may have seen some of my posts on here for the last year or so and talking about my plan on leaving.
My mind always changed though, he always reeled me back in and I stayed because I was scared, in love and I’m 9 months pregnant.
Truthfully, this has been one of the hardest points of my entire life. I’m going to be a single mother, at 22, I’m still working until i’m 37 weeks and some days, and I have a lot of betrayal trauma to heal from.
The first thing he did when we broke up was go back to porn. Not only porn, but added his ex girlfriend back. Then, added the girl he cheated on me with during his active addiction back. Then added his exes parents back. And called his exes parents to vent about our breakup.
Regardless, I know he’s already watched tons of porn since the first priority was removing porn blockers and not figuring out arrangements with our son. LOL
I’m young, beautiful, kind and strong and I’m only pregnant for one more month! I won’t be putting myself back out there for a long while until i’m done healing, but he seems to have no problem moving on fast.
Though, I will say- We broke up Sunday night and today is Wednesday. On Sunday, I had my friend over and my mom and I cried for maybe ten hours straight. Then went to work Monday on two hours of sleep. Guess who called me on Monday sobbing and asking me how I was and how our son was and asking if he could call me later and etc etc.
I stood my ground and told him no way are we ever getting back together. I said he’s already done all that stuff within hours of us breaking up if not AN hour, and he crossed the line. I would never trust him again.
I cried all morning on Monday at work.
Yesterday (Tuesday) he texted me trying to figure out the internet bill. It took over an hour for him to figure out how to cancel it with my help. I know he dragged it out because he wanted to talk to me. After it was sorted, he asked me how I was and if I’d eaten, etc.
I’m not gonna lie, I did take the bait and continued having a conversation with him up until last night.
One thing I noticed though, I didn’t cry yesterday.
I know it comes in waves, I’m sure i’ll cry again, but I’m emotionally detached from that part of me that loved him so deeply and had hopes he would change. I will never get back together with him. I should probably stop entertaining the conversation as well. Dry responses aren’t enough, because as I say ok, yeah, oh ok, that’s great- he continues to ask me more questions.
Moral of the story, the grass isn’t always greener with porn I suppose.. The proof is in the pudding when they come running back. Reminder to all of you that you’re beautiful and worthy!
They don’t realize what they have until we are gone :)