AITAH for planning to leave the country with my son without his father signing the consent form?
AITAH for planning to leave the country with my son without his father signing the consent form?
I (41F) share custody of my 9year old son with his father (41M).
For context
Our son and I have traveled domestically throughout the United States regularly for basically his entire life. We’ve traveled for almost 9 years without issues.
This upcoming Tokyo trip would simply be our FIRST international trip.
We also already share holidays under our custody order. We alternate Thanksgiving,Christmas,and New Year’s.
So no, I do not get Christmas every year.
He does not get Thanksgiving every year.
Those holidays rotate between us.
Before I even presented the international consent form, I first asked his father if he would allow me to use his connecting Thanksgiving weekend so I could extend the Tokyo trip by two additional travel days.
Because I would be using two of his Thanksgiving break days, I offered him:two of MY Christmas break days, PLUS one additional Christmas day as a thank you and a courtesy.
So in total, I offered him THREE additional Christmas days in exchange for the extra Thanksgiving travel time.
At the time he had absolutely no issue with this arrangement.
He agreed to it without objection at the time. There was no disagreement regarding the proposed holiday exchange arrangement, and no dispute regarding a December 29th exchange date was raised during those earlier discussions.
Only AFTER that agreement did I ask whether he would be willing to sign an international travel consent form for the Tokyo trip.
That was the VERY FIRST thing I asked regarding the international travel paperwork.
He responded saying he needed the dates and the location.
Which I thought was completely fair.
At that point I was still in the planning stages of the trip, so I sent screenshots of POSSIBLE travel ideas possible destinations, possible dates, possible travel weeks.
After seeing the screenshots, he told me he would agree to THOSE dates specifically and no others.
Okay. Fine.
Then I asked if he would go get the paperwork notarized.
He said I would need to pay for the notarization because this was “my trip.”
I agreed immediately and told him I would reimburse the cost, I just needed: the notarized form, and the receipt.
I then gave him the travel consent form to review and eventually take to get notarized.
After reviewing it, he told me he wanted “Section 8” removed from the document.
So I removed Section 8.
Then I asked again “Will you sign it now?”
That’s when he told me he would NOT sign the form because the actual consent form itself did not contain the exact dates and locations directly written onto it.
That’s when I explained the travel consent form itself was not for HIM.
It was for airport purposes, airline purposes, customs, border entry, passport/travel verification, and the country we would be entering.
We already have a custody order requiring me to provide itinerary, lodging information, emergency contacts, and travel details separately.
So I explained those details were not legally required on the actual consent form itself.
He still refused to sign it.
However, he said he would have his attorney review it.
Time passed.
I heard nothing.
So I asked again for an update.
He said he still had not gotten in touch with his attorney because work schedules, office hours, and taking off work were not lining up.
Which honestly confused me because historically he has left work immediately for literally anything involving our son school calls, emergencies, pickups, meetings, activities.
But okay.
Again, I asked him about the form.
Again, he said he would not sign anything without the exact dates written directly onto the actual consent form.
That’s when I tried compromising again.
I offered TWO forms.
One containing all the dates and locations for HIS records.
The second a more general version for actual travel use.
Both forms were otherwise identical.
He said no.
Both forms would need exact dates and locations written onto them.
At that point I honestly became exhausted.
So I dropped the subject, booked the trip anyway, and hoped for the best.
Several months later, I decided
“You know what? Let me try one more time.”
At this point this was now my FOURTH revised version of the travel consent form.
I included exact dates, exact locations, revised wording, and basically every issue he had previously raised.
He STILL refused to sign it.
This time because the form used the wording “approximate departure and return dates.”
The “approximate” dates listed were literally my exact travel dates.
So AGAIN I updated the form and removed the word “approximate.”
Now the form contained exact dates,exact locations,exact wording.
At that point I honestly thought “There cannot possibly be another objection.”
Instead of saying yes or no, the conversation suddenly shifted into something completely different Christmas break calculations.
Now suddenly we were debating whether exchanges happen on December 26th or December 29th, midpoint calculations, school calendar interpretations, Thanksgiving extensions, and New Year’s custody time.
Which completely confused me because the Thanksgiving and Christmas exchange itself had already been agreed upon months earlier before the travel paperwork was even introduced.
For context In order to extend my Thanksgiving Tokyo trip slightly longer, I had proposed exchanging some holiday time.
Historically, our Christmas exchanges had consistently happened on December 26th
- 2022 was 26th
- 2023 was 26th
- 2024 was 26th
- 2025 was 26th
And I know this VERY clearly because every year I had our son on Christmas Day, I literally booked flights home ON CHRISTMAS DAY specifically so we could make the December 26th exchange.
Who willingly flies home on Christmas Day unless they absolutely have to?
That’s why I remember those dates so clearly.
So when he suddenly argued that exchanges sometimes happen on the 29th depending on the school calendar, I was genuinely confused.
I asked “When have we EVER exchanged on the 29th?”
Instead of providing an actual example where we exchanged on the 29th, he responded saying previous years were “irrelevant” unless there was a written agreement specifically stating exchanges occur on the 26th every year.
He then shifted the conversation AGAIN and proposed multiple entirely new custody trade options, including extending his Christmas break until December 31st, reverting fully back to what he believed the court order required, or exchanging one of my future floating weekends for his November weekend.
At that point, the conversation no longer even felt connected to the original international consent form.
I had originally asked “Will you sign a travel consent form?”
Now somehow we were discussing floating weekends, midpoint calculations, redefining Christmas exchanges,extending holiday custody, and renegotiating future parenting time altogether.
At that point I honestly felt mentally exhausted and stopped responding because the conversation no longer felt productive or connected to the original issue anymore.
Then, after I pointed out that
- 2022 was 26th
- 2023 was 26th
- 2024 was 26th
- 2025 was 26th he suddenly pivoted AGAIN.
This time to Mother’s Day 2025.
About a year ago in May 2025, I made a genuine mistake regarding Mother’s Day weekend.
At the time, I was trying to attend a graduation in Alabama with our son. I mistakenly believed I needed to exchange weekends in order to make the graduation work.
So I proposed a swap.
After returning home, I reread the custody order more carefully and realized:
the ENTIRE Mother’s Day weekend had already been MY parenting time.
Meaning:
I never actually needed to exchange anything.
So I immediately acknowledged the mistake, apologized, and reclaimed the weekend because legally it was already my parenting time and my holiday.
And yes both of us value our parenting time heavily.
Neither of us likes giving up parenting time.
So yes once I realized the mistake, I wanted my parenting time back.
But THAT misunderstanding from 2025 is now somehow being dragged into a completely separate 2026 international travel discussion.
The difference is the current Thanksgiving and Christmas arrangement is NOT a misunderstanding.
These exchanges are intentional, negotiated, planned in advance, and directly connected to extending the Tokyo trip.
Completely different situation.
So now I honestly feel like I asked one very straightforward question “Will you sign an international travel consent form?” And somehow ended up in a never-ending debate involving attorney schedules, notary fees, wording changes, exact dates, Christmas calculations, New Year’s exchanges,school calendars, prior exchange history, floating weekends, and Mother’s Day from an entire year ago.
At this point I genuinely don’t even know what the actual argument is anymore.
AITAH for planning to leave the country with my son without his father signing the consent form?
side note: 12/30/2025-5/22/2026 and he still hasn’t sign.