My family doesn’t know me at all (big rant)
So this isn’t as deep as the title makes it seem but i just need to rant, it’s a big rant so I apologize. I’m 20F, the youngest of two older sisters. I’m close with my sisters due to my parents being extremely toxic, my oldest sister actually got custody of me at 16. So we don’t have a normal sister relationship and we are more bestfriends than anything, so any arguments or disagreements feel like a way bigger deal than normal sisters.
But I got into makeup/fashion at about 16-17. I show both my sisters and my mom what I like constantly in clothing. But somehow since I was 10+ they could never buy me anything I liked without me having to pick it out. Of course I’m grateful for the gifts, any gift is appreciated. But it sucks having to throw on a fake smile for the ugliest clothing item or shoes I’ve ever seen in my life every single time. Now it’s not like my sisters are super old, ones 25 and ones 30. My oldest sister had similar style to me when she was my age. So i genuinely don’t get how she misses the mark every single time. I quite literally almost wear anything, but some how they choose the few things I WOULDNT wear. Like one day I’m alt, one day I’m wearing sportswear, one day I’m in baggy jeans and a normal baggy shirt, one day I’m wearing dad apparel, one day I’m dressed super feminine then the next masculine. So they have a lottt to work with
For example last Christmas, I asked for platform shoes, even showed examples in the notes. My sister got me these platform adidas shoes, which… to say the least arent my favorite. She asked if I liked them and I threw on a polite smile and said they’re cute, which she went on to let out a breath of relief and then said how she asked her bf (who I’ve known for 11 years and lived with since I’ve lived with my sister), asked my mom, asked my other sister and they all said I’d love them. Do any of yall know me ???
Now obviously a lot of people will say just tell her. You don’t understand, this girl can’t take criticism, or take her doing “something wrong”. She will take it personally, suddenly flip it into an argument and then bring up every thing you’ve ever done ever that makes you the shitty sister and not her. She will straight up ask “do you like this” and if you say no she will get defensive and cause an argument. Now my 25 y/o sister I can actually tell, she gets a little upset I can tell, I mean who wouldn’t. But she takes it, returns it and lets me get whatever I actually want.
I’ve learned how to approach my mom and 25 y/o sister properly. I have to basically speak to them like they’re children so they don’t think I’m attacking them or blaming them, but that I’m just saying how I feel and how I’d like them to do something in the future. But this doesn’t work on my oldest sister.
I’m upset out of the 3 family members I have, and even my sisters bf who is basically my brother in law, NONE of them know me. Obviously clothing is just the tip of the ice burg with that. I know when either of my sisters are lying about something, and I always always always pick them out stuff they love, and when i can tell they’re lying I take it back immediately, not insulted and I get them something they liked and picked out.
It’s frustrating that these people watched me grow up, raised me to an extent and still can’t even pick out a t shirt I’d wear. And I’d wear almost any damn t shirt. They obviously see what I wear, I go on rants for hours about clothing I want or like, and they always miss the mark. The Christmas gift with the shoes is really what got me. The photos were right there, and every single person in my family thought I’d love them but I hate them, but because my oldest sister got me them I can’t say anything and it’s just wasted money and shoes that I’ll never wear, but I’m too guilty to get rid of.
Now maybe they just suck at gift giving, so provide the actual link for what I want. I do. And they pick out something similar but somehow completely opposite of what I wanted or worse. For example I’m huge into tech, specifically microphones and headphones/earbuds. I will have an expensive one on my list, instead of just ignoring it because they can’t afford it, they’ll find an off brand version and buy me them. I’m never going to use it and they know with tech stuff I’m very specific. With shoes/clothing I’ve put direct links, and they somehow still get me stuff similar in their eyes but not actually what I wanted. If you can’t get what I directly link don’t even try! I appreciate it but it’s so damn frustrating when they could’ve spent that money on other people or idk.. gifts I’ll actually use. In my lists I always put broad categories since I know I have expensive taste so if they can find a replica of clothing or shoes idm, but they know with tech don’t even try. But they miss it each time with both :/ I’m just tired of knowing my family perfectly and always getting the best gifts for them but they can’t even do it for me. If you can’t tell my love language is gift giving and recieving. So this really bothers me. And when you look deeper into it it’s not just about the gifts, i genuinely don’t feel cared for or seen because of this, and sooo many more reasons but this definitely adds to it.