Feeling Stuck
Almost 6 years ago, I, now 40y/o, moved 2+ hours to live with my grandmother. She just turned 84 in Dec. We decided to get a house together because I began making a good salary and could bear the brunt of the living expenses. She was barely making it with SSI and credit card debt. She’s able bodied for the most part but couldn’t do the heavy duty housework and couldn’t afford to pay anyone.
I went back and forth for a few years prior to this debating on moving closer in an apt to be nearby at least. We decided on together because at the time I wouldn’t be able to help her financially while living separately. She also likes to tell people she did this for me to have a nest egg. Aka when she dies I get it all when I sell the house.
The first two or three years were hell. We had nasty arguments over the dumbest crap. A lot of it was the generational gap and her lack of empathy for others neurodivergence. She likes to make fun of my sensitivity to sound for example.
The last couple years haven’t been too bad though. However I met someone and we’ve been together almost a year. I haven’t had a bf in over ten years. Lots of reasons but mainly it’s really hard for me to connect with and trust people. Anyway, I’m so happy and pretty confident he’s my person and we have discussed marriage and all the fun stuff.
To get a feel for my grandmother’s disposition I said I’m thinking that I’m ready to have him move in. But obviously it’s a joint decision. Immediately the answer was no and why. And then the list of what if scenarios that don’t even make sense for me. Another issue is that he’s in the navy and could very well be stationed somewhere else. He has another year in this station and could stay but it just depends on the navy. Not much choice there.
Either way, we have been happily planning a future together. But my grandmother is reticent and basically said she isn’t moving ever again. I can leave when she’s dead. Not likely any time soon because she’s healthy as a horse. Not that I’m wanting that.
I don’t know what to do. I’d be happy to have her go where ever I go and continue being her caretaker even though we drive each other nuts. But she’s digging her heels in and I don’t know what options are out there.
Just wanted to see if anyone has been in a similar position. Ideas on alternatives for someone who is healthy but not financially stable. TIA.
Edited for spelling errors.