My mom showed up at my siblings work, they’ve been no contact for 2 years what do I do?
Apologies for any weird formatting or if this is confusing, explaining this the best I can while emotional.
So for some context I (26-NB) got a call from my sibling (21-NB) informing me that our mother (50-F) showed up at their job unannounced and asked to speak with them. They’ve been no contact with her for 2 years now. Thankfully they were in the bathroom and got a coworker to ask her to leave, so my sibling had no actual interaction with her. They called me after to let me know because I’m the only person that truly understands what she is like.
I tried to call her as I have been mom and sibs mediator my whole life, I learned early that appeasing her was the least stressful way to live. My mom is very likely a narcissist as her image and what she wants are the most important things to her.
I call her to ask what the hell she was thinking but she doesn’t answer. I also want to add that I have POTs and am on heart rate suppressing meds but because of her bs my Heart rate went up to 140bpm. She calls back a few hours later and I ask what she was thinking. She tells me I always say I hate being in the middle of their stuff so I should mind my own business. I tell her to cut the crap. We have a heated call and every time she seems to understand she did something wrong it’s like a switch flipped, she went from sounding remorseful and upset to telling me that we weren’t easy kids to deal with either(this had nothing to do with what we had just talked about). And that cycle repeated about 5 times.
This behaviour is very erratic from her, she was just talking to me 2-3 weeks ago about the fact that she admits that she did neglect us and she didn’t intend to but that it was wrong and she felt sorry. Then in this phone call she said that things at home weren’t even that bad and bla bla bla. Even tho my therapist has told me I was severely neglected as a child. She also is basically demanding to have a joint therapy appointment with my therapist(good luck my therapist thinks you’re a lost case mom).
Her reasoning for going to see my sibling changed about 3 times in the phone all we had, one was “well I was in the neighbourhood”, another “Well everyone keeps asking me about them.” and lastly “well I just wanted to see if they were ready to talk.”.
Another crazy point is I went no contact with my dad for a year because he was just hurting my feelings all the time when I lived with him so I packed my stuff and never went back. My mom was my biggest advocate at the time, she yelled at my dad to stop calling me and leave me alone. But now that the shoe is on the other foot it’s ridiculous and my sibling needs to talk to her.
At what point do I help my sibling get a restraining order or see if she is having a medical episode? She’s never been so erratic before. I’m starting to be concerned.
I wish I could go low to no contact with her but if I need access to a car she’s my only option right now.
My only game plan right now is to talk to my aunt (mom’s older sister) so mom can’t control the narrative around this in the family as she likes to play the victim.