Advice needed.
Hi, I’m 24F, the guy I was/am talking to is 22M. I want to know if i’m being ignored and if I should let this go.
Context : I started talking to this guy 2-3 months back. It was going great, we got along really well. Then we met and it was even more amazing in person. We could talk for hours, had very good physical attraction as well. Everything was going great except one thing - he was/is an addict, which i wasn’t aware of initially. I thought he indulged in a few drinks/joints here and there, nothing too extreme. Then he opened up about being on pills and it made me kind of hesitant. I have a family member who’s very unstable so I have an idea about how bad drug abuse/mental health issues can get.
Anyway, due to his habits, he ended up ODing, got sent to the hospital - which i had no idea about; his phone got taken away, no way to reach out, and I assumed it best to let it be until he reaches out himself. I would call every now and then on his number to no response. After a month had passed I simply concluded that I might have been ghosted - which i accept as a form of an ending.
On a random day, I decided to call him again knowing full well his number would be off - but it rang and then we finally spoke. He told me he couldn’t reach out to me since i had deactivated my socials - and he didn’t have my number since we primarily spoke on our socials. Anyway, we had a very sweet conversation. He let me in on his life, where he was, when he would be getting out, etc. It was very overwhelming for me because not only was I glad that he was okay, but also upset at him coming back after a month.
Anyway, what I need help/advice with:
After he had come back, we spoke. It was sometimes very sweet (like how we initially spoke) or sometimes very friendly. Always oscillating between the two.
I understand his mental health isn’t well and I cannot have any expectations, but a part of me feels ignored and neglected now. He calls me sometimes, makes effort sometimes, but it’s never consistent (not the way it was at the start). I would’ve not thought so much about this myself (since i also have trouble keeping in touch with people via texts/phone) but Ik he was the type of person who loved calling me and talking to me about the randomest of things lol
I know and am fully aware of how stupid this post is. He’s on a journey for himself. He needs time and space to figure out things for himself. I’m just a new chapter that came along the way that he most likely isn’t that concerned about - i’m assuming this and haven’t asked him.
I want to know if i’m being ignored. He made plans with me but didn’t follow up, he doesn’t consistently text or keeps a conversation up at all. Our calls have become minimal with time. They are very sweet and flirtatious sometimes but very short.
What bothers me the most isn’t rejection - that is something I can accept with grace - it’s more of being emotionally suspended - which is something my brain hates. I like having conclusion and certainty in things. Esp human relationships. I’d like to know if i’m wanted or unwanted. I don’t know whether I should keep quiet about this or have a conversation. I fear the conversation may seem too selfish and he might want to keep me around as an option? Maybe it’s the inner voice speaking, making me think negatively about myself. We never go 2-3 days without at least a few texts to keep in check. But i still think those are the bare minimum and nothing like how he spoke to me before.
I’m conflicted between whether I should let it go because i’m not feeling liked, or be more mindful of his situation and give him the benefit of the doubt? I just think the world we live in now, people have many options available for them and I am no diamond that he won’t find again (at least in my humble opinion)
Anyway, I’m sorry for the long rant. I’d appreciate rational and logical replies. And also, how do I stop the pattern in my brain that keeps overthinking and coming back to this situation simply because I don’t have a conclusive ending. I hate how my brain functions on data and information and only then can I psychologically make a decisions to stay or let go - eg; if I can apparently see that i’m unliked - i can let the situation go, respectfully. If i’m getting hot or cold treatment, it makes me uneasy and makes me think in overdrive - which makes me so drained.