nothing is getting better
say it again
nothing is getting better
no, say it properly
nothing is getting better
stop hesitating
look at you
you can feel it slipping
day by day
reaction by reaction
you’re getting worse
don’t pretend you’re not
don’t even try that
you see it
you see it every time
in the way you ruin things early
in the way you read too much into everything
in the way your stomach drops over nothing
over nothing
over nothing
and you still act like it’s real
everyone will leave
obviously
why would they stay
be honest
no, be actually honest for once
what is there to stay for
don’t deflect
don’t make excuses
answer it
you overthink everything
you twist normal into something wrong
you make people uncomfortable
you can feel it
you can feel it when they change
when they change tone
when they stop trying as hard
don’t act surprised
stop acting surprised
you knew it was coming
you always know
and you keep doing it
that’s the part you can’t defend
that’s the part you always skip over
you feel something small
and turn it into something unbearable
you can’t just sit with anything
you can’t just shut up and let it pass
shut up
seriously
just shut up for once
but you don’t
you push it
pick at it
turn it over
again
again
again
until it’s worse
until it’s unfixable
until it looks like proof
and then you stare at it like
wow
how did that happen
say it
say how it happened
you did it
like you weren’t there the whole time
like you weren’t watching yourself do it
like you didn’t feel it building
and yeah
you can try to numb it
go ahead
do it again
shut it up
blur it
anything that buys you five minutes
five minutes
that’s all you get
because you always come back
you always come back to this
still you
still this
still someone who can’t just exist normally
without turning it into a problem
say it again
say it properly
you are the problem
no, don’t soften it
don’t rephrase it
don’t make it “nicer”
you are the problem
and it’s not even dramatic anymore
that’s the worst part
it’s predictable
you already know how this goes
you mess it up
you blame yourself
you try again
you mess it up again
louder
you mess it up again
repeat until people get tired
repeat until they leave
repeat until it’s quiet
and you’ll still be there
won’t you?
yeah,
you will
Feedback:
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1t1xle9/the_diary_of_lost_colours_tw_depression_selfharm/
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1t1zlz1/humanity/