Panic attack before date after 3 yrs with an avoidant
Okay long story short dated my ex for 3 years. He was an avoidant, I was constantly begging to be loved, he left me twice, cheated twice, you know the deal. Age gap, I was 17 when we met, he was 5 years older. We went through having an abortion together and then basically the 2nd time he left me only 3 months later he accidentally got another woman pregnant and they got engaged 6 months later. I didn’t find out about the baby until like last month so the whole healing process I thought he just magically stopped being avoidant and fell in love with this girl and that there was something just wrong with me.
Anyways I met someone recently and for the first time since him it’s a genuine like getting to know each other, not sexual or hookup related, very eager to plan a date and do things the “right” way. You think I’d be happy and I am, I’m excited but then every time I get excited I literally go into a panic attack because I’m terrified of being hurt/shocked really feeling anything. My body is like shutting down and like I’ve been with other people sexually and it’s fine but for some reason this is hitting me weirdly and I just want to hear others experiences with this. Does anyone else have similar situations and how did you push through? Thanks guys