Ex-Boyfriend Would Rather Deal with Legal Troubles Than Have a Stable Relationship
Hello!
I posted on r/break-ups about a polycule break-up I had in March.
The TLDR is that I started being serious with my ex after being friends with benefits, he got a second girlfriend to add to our new polycule (I'm also poly), he made the girlfriend his primary because she needs support away from her abusive husband, he dumps me because he didn't feel "seen" or something and he never did anything about it other than just giving up on the relationship, and he's now nesting partners with the girlfriend and supporting her through her divorce.
I've been miserable through this whole thing thinking that there was something defective about me, but a friend on Discord gave me the right number of smacks upside the head to gain a new perspective.
So the girlfriend is getting a divorce from her abusive husband. He was emotionally, psychologically, and financially abusive. He pushed her into polyamory and kink by threatening to cheat on her regardless. (Why my ex continued to be in a relationship with her after finding out is beyond me.) So now the divorce is happening, and I know it'll get contested by the husband, as he's the "woe is me" flavor of narcissist. The two of them have marital assets that'll get argued over, and they also have teen offspring that may or may not get custody battles fought over. The eldest is 17 and a senior in high school, so I doubt anything will happen with her, but the youngest is 14, and he may be young enough to be fought over. The youngest is also repeating the same abuse his father is saying.
And also, my ex is looking into buying a house for himself, his girlfriend, and her two kids to live in. But also, who's going to pay the legal battles? As far as I know, the girlfriend doesn't have a job, as she lost her job when her mental health took a nose dive after the husband lost HIS job. There was a period of SEVERAL MONTHS where they ate through their savings and had to take out a couple loans to stay afloat. So she can't afford any of the legal troubles on her own. She has parents that are well-off, so it's not like the ex is alone in supporting her.
So the perspective I now see is that he's an idiot with a savior complex who'll probably bury himself in debt to save his girlfriend.