Avoidant Attachment Situationship 😭
Well, what a strange way to start my first Reddit writeup huh?
I’m actually taking the long stretch narrative route here 1. cuz I need to get this off my chest 2. get some real opinions
Right, so I A 25(M) was/is real good friends with R 24 F. R has been in my vicinity since college. She was my exs best friend and later was also another situation ships bestie as well. All along college, R was in a long distance relationship of almost 5 years. I had only heard of R then but we became close only once I left university.
It all started when I went back to uni for a program and met R and we struck something. We texted the first time after that day when we met. This was 2024 December and she was still with her bf then. We texted every single fucking day. So much almost to the point that we loved talking to each every other day. This became something later in late 2025 where she started opening up about her problems with her long term bf. (note: during this phase of us texting, R was away in another country and I was in another country)
But in December 2025, R and I had met for the first time since 2024 Dec instance. We knew we had a spark and chemistry. We never brought it up but we knew that for a fact.
Jan 2026, things and circumstances change. We get on calls, more on texts and more opening up. I knew I had smthng for her cuz I was on a streak of flings and ended all of them because R was treating me like a bf and I loved that. She finds out her bf cheated on her and everything went down a shit hole for her. She then breaks down and talks to me about it and I tell her to end it with him. She does that in March and she’s single. We still maintain it as friendship.
Two weeks later, we start flirting, and one thing led to another and we were doing things virtually. Things we never thought we would happen. Mid April she goes back to her bf cuz she wants to talk about things and he’s still in the loop while she’s doing things with me romantically. She has an on and off with her now ex. We narrate and have virtual sex of her cheating on her ex with me and how we could have fucked in December and stuff like that. It was all good when I started feeling vulnerable and hard topics came up. She a started pushing me away. I got attached cuz it genuinely felt like something serious. Things got heated and i promised I’ll work on my attachment and i did that. Later she gets attached and she tells me it’s getting too real for her and now her feelings for me has reduced.
Thing is, when circumstances around her with other aspects of life get overwhelming for her, she wants alone time and space which I respect. However she pushes me away as well and she forgets what we had before that.
This has now been regular. What do I do?