Humiliated
Does anyone ever have a manic or hypomanic episode that lasts multiple weeks / months that is so humiliating and embarrassing that you never want to show your face to anyone you saw over that time ever again?? Or rly anyone ever.
Even if it's your friends or best friends of years.... I seriously feel so incredibly ashamed of how I acted and so so guilty and cringed and disgusted and mortified that I genuinely never want anyone (esp from that time which was a lot of fucking people you can imagine. Since I'm already a very social person 👍) to ever look at me or think about me or talk to me again.
This is not an attention seeking post. I just genuinely wonder how people get through this, and if someone can relate to this specific feeling of never wanting to see anyone or be seen.
So many people have DMed me and texted me and called me since I came down, and literally i never want to respond and I don't and I wish no one would ever think about me again. God it's so horrible. Almost unbearable.
The depression after the come down is something I could never imagine. I haven't left my house in two and half months and ended up in a 28 day treatment center after the first month bc my family thought I was gonna kms ( i was) and now I've been home for2 weeks. But things are not much better. I won't even go to the coffee shop I was a regular at bc I am so humiliated of my entire personality and existence over those three months. Also it's just painfully obvious that something is / was incredibly wrong w me since i can't even hold a conversation now ?? Lmao. Like i don't want anyone talking to me or asking questions. I just never want to be perceived again. I want to die. I know that i could explain what happened and most people would understand but seriously. Just the concept of ever talking to someone again to explain that makes me want to die.
I haven't left my bed except for therapy and to go through a drive thru.