Sibling betrayal
I feel like I lost my brother after I got divorced to my ex. (We are all in our 30s, Im female, my ex husband male, & brother male)
I got divorced a few years ago, and while I don’t want my ex back, I’m realizing I still carry a lot of hurt around what happened within my family afterward.
During my marriage, my brother and my ex got along, but they weren’t especially close or best friends independently. After the divorce though, my brother became much closer with him while my relationship with my brother slowly faded.
For the last few years, I’ve made efforts to reconnect with my brother, but it hasn’t really been reciprocated. Yesterday I had a really emotional conversation with my dad about it, and I think it brought a lot of unresolved grief back to the surface.
I think what hurts most is feeling like I lost both my marriage and my brother at the same time. It’s hard not to internalize that as rejection, even if that’s not how anyone else sees it.
Part of me feels ridiculous for still being hurt years later because everyone else seems to have moved on. But another part of me feels like family wounds don’t automatically disappear just because time passed.
Has anyone else experienced something similar with siblings after divorce or major relationship changes? If the relationship eventually improved, how did you move past the resentment and hurt?
TL;DR: After my divorce, my brother became much closer with my ex while growing distant from me. Years later I’m still struggling with the hurt and wondering how to process it or rebuild the relationship if he ever wants to reconnect.