I always felt bad for even thinking about leaving. Like it was going to be worse for me and the kids. That to have any kind of Dad/Husband was somehow better than nothing. Like we would lose out on something great. Then I realized we were always missing out on something great. Being happy was just something we could not achieve together. And just because there were some good times, doesn't make the 900 bad things disappear. Maybe I just didn't make you happy, to be the best you could be, and vice versa. But its 1000% ok to say enough, F this shit.
Just because I let things slide silently doesn't mean what was going on was acceptable. It doesn't mean it didn't hurt, break away pieces of hope, or darken parts of me. They say you lose yourself after having kids. I think I lost most from being a wife. Doing things because it was my job. I should have been grateful, not complain. My exhaustion was from my lack of time management. I didn't communicate. I stopped putting everyone's needs before mine. I disappeared into my role, lost my voice. My opinions were irrelevant, needs a last consideration. Until I said, F this shit.
My misery was not for the greater good of the family. My value was not equal to the income I contributed. My body was not property. My thoughts and feelings were not irrelevant. Who put that in our heads, that's what we have to do? That's a normal family dynamic? F that shit!