I wanna kms coz of my dad and mom
So basically, my dad is one of those people who thinks they know it all. Mom and him used to slap means hit me when I was young but now it’s verbal and feels still as bad, just without any evidence. And their opinion about things is the only right opinion. And my mom just fucking agrees to everything he said and doesn’t have a backbone of her own. All she does is ragebait and guilt trip me. So I am in my summer brk before my final yr of uni and since the past 6 yrs I have been hoping for things to get better or change, but it’s the same. Every argument the threat is that he’ll pull me out of uni and it’s sickening. I hate em both, he’ll scream at me for hrs tell I overreact and I am good for nothing and later come ask me “Are you mad? Uk I am doing this for your career and ur life”like I also want the chance to explore my career options the way his dad let him, instead of screaming at me for hrs for getting an internship that is not in my field. And my mom comes in later saying “don’t be mad at him he is doing this for you” NO HE ISNT I AM SICK OF EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. another thing about my dad like 3 yrs ago he randomly left his paying career and spent all the savings, both his and mine and spent it all on his passion project , that failed miserably. WHILE KNOWING HE HAS 2 PEOPLE DEPENDING ON HIM. and this man is saying I can’t even take up an internship he doesn’t like? He made me back down from it , or he told no more uni for me . I am so sick of these 2. The nagging , ragebaiting, screaming, taking my phone away, I am so sick of this, and I just can’t do this no more. And living with them full time in summer brk is torture, they don’t let me go anywhere, when they are home they keep nagging or giving opinions no one asked. They both just keep fighting with me or the house is silent ( they both don’t talk unless they are fighting bout something) I hate the house, it was never a home.Friends , they wouldn’t even miss me if I am gone, feel like a floater friend, and it’s one of those things where i wish people text or call me before I do sometimes.Extended family, kinda worships dad and thinks he is a know it all coz of his pre passion project success with business. I have no love or respect for anyone anymore, I am in the mindset that no one loves me for who I am and if I am okay with that, coz prolly will disappoint em and just can’t deal with another person’s expectations anymore. I am just really lonely, done with these two who can snap anytime and sick of life, and ending it now , I don’t have anything lose, no one does either, yea ik people ready to pull lines like “ur family will go through a lot of pain, this is selfish” atp sure, when alive if the entire point was to be how they viewed things, let my death also be about how much pain it is to THEM, and not how PAINFUL it is to live with narc parents like them, let em deal with it. I have been crying weekly atleast 5-6 times for as long as I remember, and ik they won’t change, and they won’t lemme get a brk so will just take one soon , forever. My hand has cuts but not Deep enough to kill me and there is actually nothing that is holding me back anymore.
sorry if there are any grammar or framing issues, writing this mid panic attack