30 AMAB in California – Recently realized I might be a trans woman and I feel completely lost. Where do I even begin?
Hi everyone,
I’m a 30-year-old male living in California, and for the last few weeks, I’ve been having a lot of deep thoughts about what it would be like to be a woman. I don't just mean in the sense of wearing the clothes, doing makeup, or having the hair, but really being one.
I’ve never had these thoughts before in my entire life—not until very recently. But looking back, I guess some part of me knew deep down that I wasn’t supposed to be male, and that I was always supposed to be a woman. Now that I’m thinking more about it, looking into it, and seriously considering transitioning, I realize I am completely overwhelmed.
I don’t know where to start. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who to see or what to say. I don’t know anything right now, and I feel incredibly lost and confused.
I’m also terrified to come out to any of my friends or family. For 30 years, I’ve built up this whole persona of being a big, huge, strong, tough guy—the "man of the family" who is supposed to protect and provide. But deep down, I've just never really felt that way.
Since I'm in California, I know there are resources out there, but the mental hurdle of taking the first step is massive. If anyone here has been in a similar boat, started their journey a bit later in life, or has advice on the first practical steps to take (like finding a therapist or just processing these feelings), I would appreciate it more than you know.
Thank you so much for reading.