Tired of the manipulation- vent
First post and just really to vent to others who can relate as nobody around me can. My father (89) lives alone, none of my 5 brothers want anything to do with him as he’s a narcissist and has left us all pretty scarred from childhood. I’m 40, the only female, and live around 20 minutes from him so it is all on me. If I’m being really honest I didn’t expect him to live so long so although I’m resigned to being the one it all lands with I’m finding myself getting resentful when these should be the best years of my life. Add to this the constant manipulation he tries with me.
He claims he is independent and doesn’t like to ask for help (life’s victim) but rings me most days and always with undertones and manipulation. Examples just in the last couple of months include claiming to be stuck in bed when he wasn’t, suggesting he might just take a load of pills even though he won’t even take the painkillers the doctor has prescribed, pretending to be short of money to pay me back for paying a contractor who did work at his, ringing saying he needs to see me urgently but refusing to tell me why - then it being nothing I needed to know/could have waited. I’ve tried telling him he needs to give some indication of what it is he needs as his “urgent” can vary from he’s stuck on the floor and can’t get up to he needs his car (still driving for now!) taxing in two weeks time. He tried it this week, calling persistently and leaving messages it was urgent and I knew exactly what it was, he wanted a lift as his car was in the garage, if he had said that I would have taken him but his manipulation knowing that I’ve said it’s worrying and stressful led to me digging my heels in. My partner called him and pretended neither of us were near home but we could call him a taxi. It felt like a small victory but then plays on my mind as I know he will have been fuming even though it was perfectly reasonable.
Every time he calls me I physically tense and hate speaking to him. Tried having conversations about care options but the reality is why pay for it when he has me on beck and call? It’s a stressful cycle of feeling annoyed, guilty, pity, resentment, sadness… I don’t see any way it can get better and it’s weighing on me that I received no care from him as a child and yet it’s an obligation for me. I’d like to walk away but keep telling myself he can’t have too much longer left and nobody should have to die alone - at this rate he will outlive me though!