I have trouble knowing when to set boundaries.
I generally have trouble setting boundaries, but I needed to set one tonight and couldn't, my friends her partner and I were doing laundry at a laundromat since I'm the one with the car I was driving. He smokes weed and I'm actually allergic to it, he has been told this on multiple occasions, it causes me sever headaches that develop into migraines if not responded to quickly. What ever strain he was smoking tonight, he did so at a distance but the smell clinging to clothes is enough to set me off, had the added piece of making me angry. I had also been dealing with a head ache that refused to go away all day beofre this. Now the logical boundary is to ask him to not smoke when we're doing laundry as I do not like driving with an almost migraine, simple right? Yes it's simple but I feel like if I can't set a boundary calmly and in the moment I don't get to set one at all. This is where I feel like the problem on our way back to the apartment building we live in he offered to walk, which normally wouldn't have bothered me, but the elevator in our building is down and she has a health condition that would make carrying a basket of clothes up to their apartment dangerous for her. I instead of pointing this out, while attempting to suppress my anger, just said "I'll have to deal'' and drove a little more aggressively than my normal. I think I set her trauma relating to vehicles off and she may have had a stress induced issue involving her health condition. The part where it feels like my fault is I know what and how when it comes to the boundary but not the when. I'm reiterating here but I feel like if I can't set the boundary politely than I don't get to set it then and I feel like if I don't set it in the moment I can't set it at all.