u/FIREH0RSE

TLDR: I literally don’t know how to condense this. My boyfriend’s being an exhausting asshole.

Basically the title, although THIS IS LONG. VERY LONG.

Boyfriend has ran into serious money issues because of taxes (he’s a business owner), slow/rough patch at work and vehicle troubles.

We’ve been together 1.5 years and live together. He’s a pretty severe dismissive avoidant… if you know, you know.

Anyways, because he is a business owner (he’s the only employee, self ran) he is required to do his own taxes. He had been pocketing all the money all year round and spending it like it was his. Well it’s tax season, and he was hit with a total of 26k in owing taxes, he had about 10k saved. He went into a depression and withdrew more than normal from the relationship and started becoming irritable. Last year at this time, he had the same issue. He was supposed to do quarterly payments to avoid this but did not.

I tried to encourage this but he gets offended when he perceives me to devalue his intelligence or capabilities. He “had it handled” essentially but in other words over the course of a few different times the subject was brought up, since I saw this coming and repeating a mile away.

Then, a couple days after he pulled out his line of credit to pay the rest, his truck blew the engine. He called the one shop he likes to look at it (he’s never used this shop, just has heard good things), and they called him back a couple weeks later and they refused to touch it. He didn’t make any attempts to contact anywhere else, and when I made offers to do it on his behalf, he didn’t like any of the shops i suggested (Small town, few options).

While he was down a truck, we used my vehicle for everything, getting to and from work, errands, and I usually let him drop me off at work and take my truck for the day. I spent $420 on gas that month out of my pocket, and about halfway through the month, my trucks starter went when he tried to take it to work. He said he put the battery reader on it and it had a dead battery. It made no sense because that’s a new battery. He insisted it was the battery. I asked my coworker to bring me home and jump me. We went, tried jumping, nothing. I went back to work and started making calls. He got mad at me that I put the trickle charger back in the house to avoid theft after confirming it wasn’t a dead battery, still insisting it was the battery. He was forced to take a cab to get to work because I couldn’t help him this time. I was panicking because if it wasn’t the battery, maybe it was a much bigger problem and now everyone was fucked out of a vehicle and I couldn’t afford $80 in taxi every day, him $60 in taxi every day (we don’t have Uber or anything) for work and also fix this truck. I ended up needing to leave work early so I could have it towed to a specific shop that thankfully had an opening to diagnose it and possibly fix it the same day. They took it in, confirmed it was the starter, and didn’t have the part. It had to stay overnight. Once it was back, we kept going. Im just saying this because it was a very expensive month for me as well and no one seemed to bat an eye about it.

A few days after my truck broke down (another reason I was panicking) there was an overnight trip with my mom and aunt to the next city over I had already pre-committed to months prior before shit hit the fan for everyone. We were taking my vehicle. I was the only person that had one. They bought me a ticket to a live game show. My boyfriend knew about this when it happened, knew who I was going with, that it was overnight, and when I brought it up 2 days before I left, he asked if it was that “work thing” I was going to. At this point I had never ever been to a “work thing” or have been invited to an out of town, overnight “work thing”. He said it so casually too like “whatever”.. which makes no sense given I told him there wasn’t enough beds to go around at the hotel room. He really thought I’d be sharing a bed with a man from work and didn’t question it? This is especially fucking weird once you read ahead for what just happened last night. It was borderline offensive that he had no follow up questions about this situation if this is what he actually thought was happening… Anyways, he was so withdrawn into himself he didn’t even know what I was doing. Although he was told long before any of this happened..

Anyways, he gave me guilt about going since he had bookings at work and money was tight and he had no vehicle. I told him I had to go, because A) I’m not backing out on my newly widowed mother, and B) she needed me to get there and she needed a damn break from her life.

Her car also had the engine blow on her mid January and she had been driving herself insane trying to find something reliable within her fixed budget. She test drove and sat in with finance guys for several vehicles. 3 were in town, 3 in the city next over, which I drove her to, in my gas guzzler, 5 hour round trip each time. They were always a flop with hidden but obvious issues, or the numbers said one thing and were really another. None of them would work safely for her.

So anyways, I went, figured I’d go to the show, try to have a good time, and go check out cars in the morning with mom before we went home.

Well, the night we got there, the night of the show, my boyfriend is soft guilt tripping me and being short because he wanted me to drive 2.5 hrs home that night on an icey highway in the dark (there was a blizzard coming in that night) just to make sure he could get to work 3 kms away from home. The show ended at 11pm. My family insisted we did not do that, and they offered to pay him a cab to work in the morning. He did not accept this. It was clear he felt embarrassed and “above” this option after his first cab experience a few days earlier. I slowly disengaged because my family was getting upset with me that this was even something I was dealing with and not holding firm on. I was ruining our supper at the restaurant, glued to my phone trying to fix the problem with my boyfriend at home, and these poor old ladies who had been anticipating this for months were wondering if it was even safe to have drinks and unwind, because this would mean everyone had to leave at midnight and drive that black-iced up highway with me. They hardly *ever* get out of the house, and aside from running ragged trying to help everyone and work, neither do I.

He eventually agreed to taking a cab because of the road conditions, but insisted he pay for it (he’s prideful). I stayed that night.

When I got back, he was stand-offish. Didn’t ask about my night.. well he usually doesn’t do check ins with me unless it’s times I’ll be home or when dinner will be ready lol. He doesn’t take much interest in my.. very very small life outside of him. He started searching for used vehicles obsessively. He still hadn’t tried anywhere but the one place for his truck, rejected my ideas, and gave up. After 3 weeks of this, while still sharing my truck, he found an older suv he really liked.. it was pretty mint, but it had over double the mileage of his truck that blew. I told him a few times.. gently… yes it’s in good condition, but it’s 20 years old and almost hitting 300k on the odometer. He was pretty set on it. It was, of course, in the next city over. And then some.

He expressed he felt like he had no autonomy or freedom sharing my vehicle…. When, mind you, he had it more than I did, and I went 12 hour shifts without it so he could have it for the day to do as he pleased, even when he didn’t have work.

A sort of side note- A few days after finding this SUV, I had to bring my mom back to the city on my day off to fix a financing term on a vehicle we went BACK to the city to test drive and get numbers on that she ended up actually buying!! That day my Bf was dropped off at work and got a ride home, gave me guilt about taking too long at the dealership and ended up getting a ride home with the shop rental partner he has.

Anyways, we went back because the finance guy sharked my naive, mentally exhausted and vulnerable mom for 17 thousand in extended warranties when she closed and gave her a year longer term than she wanted.

This only happened because I left the dealership for an hour while we waited for the finance guy to become available, I had recently been given a dress code at work I had no money to buy new on (I went to thrift shop) and I guess as soon as I left, he came and got her and spun her in circles and had her sign the dotted line. She’s 63, hyper paranoid about her vehicle stranding her again (her car only had 110,000 km on it and was diligently maintained by her late mechanic husband. It was shocking).

When I came back to the dealership and saw her in her “new” vehicle, i saw her face and she looked terrified. We had the numbers crunched with the finance guy over the phone before we even went, so when she showed me what she signed on, i tried to go back in to rectify it and they had just closed for the day. It was her first vehicle that she got from a dealership, albeit used, and we tried to take pictures of her with the big bow to celebrate after such a long and exhausting search, but her face and obvious heartbreak will haunt me.

We went home both feeling like we could throw up. I got my consumer protection laws figured out and called first thing the next morning. It was a saturday. They asked us to come back on monday. So on monday, I left my truck with my boyfriend and we drove her “new” vehicle up, prepared to leave it there and bus home if they wouldn’t negotiate it back down. (They did).

Back to my boyfriend and his fixation on this older SUV…. this point, I was so over how tense and withdrawn he was, I told him I’d go look at it (an hour drive past that city) when i went back with my mom to fix the financing, and id FaceTime him the tour and test drive. I just wanted some “normalcy” back. Home was hell, intimacy was gone, what little affection I get from him (not an affectionate guy to begin with, he shows love through providing things when he can and small gestures like a hug here and there. I’ve learned to accept it) was gone, and I was being ran ragged between the two of them and also working 48 hours a week at a job I want to turn around and walk out of every day. My personal life and responsibilities went to shit in that month. I couldn’t keep up, our house was a pigsty, i was haemorrhaging money myself, and nobody seemed to fuckin care.

All I asked him for was to go to the bank and pull out that cash as the seller asked for cash. I asked him to pull his plates off his truck so I had something to bring it home with (yeah, yeah, illegal, whatever. I’ll take my chances at this point. Just get me out). He agreed to.

Morning comes, my truck tire was flat. I filled it, dropped my boyfriend off at work, brought it to shop for full tire replacement. They were weather cracking and low on tread. I had been concerned about them for a while but I had too much going on and couldn’t afford new tires. By the grace of god, they were still under warranty and it was a free replacement. Still had to pay install.

Anyways, i asked boyfriend to go to his bank across the street from him and get his money and we’d pick up on the way out of town.

Mom picks me up at mechanic shop, I call boyfriend to ask if he’s ready for me to pick the money and the plates up, he says he did neither. Now he wants to back out. Okay.. now I’ve wasted this sellers time (I did all the initiating, inquiring and set up for him), I look like an asshole, and I’m fed up with people who should care about me disrespecting my time over and over again.

We get to the city, we’re about to leave, and I ask my boyfriend one more time if he wants me to go see it just in case, even though now I have no plates and no cash. Seller would have to accept bank transfer. He said yes.

We go, I explain this is for my boyfriend and I call and tour him on FaceTime, test drive, he loves it. He wants it. He asks me to haggle the guy 1k less. I asked him to talk to the guy instead, he said no you do it. I’m very uncomfortable with this but i did it. Guy met me in the middle. Done deal. Except for I need to switch up on the seller and tell him we have no cash and he needs to allow a bank transfer. He hesitantly agreed. Then, we needed to wait 1.5 hours in this dudes driveway for the bank transfer to go through because my boyfriend is tech illiterate and keeps sending screen shots of his bank giving him errors. Im trying to explain it to the seller and he’s clearly getting antsy and suspicious, stating Facebook marketplace is sketchy and stuff like that. His wife pulled him in to tell him she feels uneasy about us.

Finally it went through, he gave the bill of sale, mom left in her car and i left with no plates.. but boyfriend was very very excited and maybe now i can have some of my fucking life back and fix the disaster waiting for me at home.

Boyfriend starts coming around again. Gave me a couple thanks for all the stuff I’ve been doing. M

I book my boyfriend’s windshield swap and his safety. Leaving work to meet him at the windshield place so he can take my truck again for two days. Whatever, All went well.

Boyfriend takes SUV into shop for safety, I leave work to meet him there so he can take my truck again. SUV doesn’t pass. Next day, I leave work to pick him up to go get SUV to bring SUV home.

Shop can’t do repairs until 3 days later… he takes my truck again.

SUV goes into shop for safety work, I leave work to meet him there so he can bring me back and take my truck, again. Works obviously getting pissed off at me leaving for 20 minutes to do these runs every couple days. I gave heads up I’d have to do this one more time when safety is done. (Each time I left it was about 20-25 minutes and I didn’t leave for rest of the 12 hour shift because.. well, no vehicle.. so while I sort of understood, I was getting upset I was being given a hard time over it while bending over backwards trying to get mine and everyone else’s life back on track.. that’s how it felt anyways)

While the SUV was in the (reputable) shop for two days getting safetied, they broke ABS system (lights came on) and couldn’t figure it out. SUV needs to come back in 3 days. He picks me up in my truck and I leave work and bring him to pick up SUV (this one having gained permission beforehand.. mind you I asked permission each time I left to do these things. I explained to my sergeant my situation and it was ok’d. So.. fuck, whatever). So now, I needed to return to work and tell sergeant this isn’t over yet. I’m so fucking tired of putting myself on the spot for people in the name of being reliable and supportive. I’m getting embarrassed.

Here we are, present day. He tells me he has his blown up truck being diagnosed by a mobile mechanic who just opened business. I ask why. He says he wants to fix it. He says he regrets buying the SUV, it was TOO SOON (A MONTH OF FUCKING AROUND, REJECTING IDEAS, WEAR AND TEARING MY VEHICLE, BLOWING STARTERS AND TIRES, GETTING TOWED, LEAVING ME STRANDED FOR 12 HOURS AT WORK SO HE CAN BE FREE, BITCHING AND COMPLAINING, WHILE BURNING MY GAS, WHILE IM ALSO DEALING WITH SAME THING WITH MOM)

I said ok I’m sorry, but you need to take on one thing at a time. You just sunk $9k said and done on this SUV, and you want to take on a $10k motor on a beat up truck? For what?

And he has the audacity to say… so that I can sell my vehicle, get out of my remaining 2 year loan, and drive his. So I can save money, so I can help him/go in with him on buying a commercial property for his one man business, because my income looks good to the bank for borrowing.

Look. I’m about to lose it guys. I don’t know what the fuck is going on here. I feel absolutely taken advantage of and steam rolled. My vehicle, almost paid off, my asset, that has been reliable aside from wear and tear, that has saved us over and over again, highway traveled us over and over again, sold to drive his truck that has been nothing but an UNSAFE MONEY PIT since I met him.

A side note that bothered me: he let his dog DESTROY the truck that blew. The seats are torn to shreds, it reeks of wet dog, the body is scratched and gouged to hell because his dog runs out and jumps up on the truck and he never corrected it, and the entertainment system doesn’t work, probably because his dog was coming in from the lake every day and jumping in the front seat soaked and he’s huge. My truck is very well maintained and clean. When he had it I noticed the leather and perforated seats were stained, wet, muddy and getting scratched. My drivers door has scratches on it from his dog jumping up on it. My middle console leather is marked/scratched from his dog jumping from front to back. My interior is disgusting and need a thorough detailing. When I gently mentioned I needed him to tighten up the reins on the dog in my truck because of XYZ, he got fucking huffy about it like I was insulting him?! I ended up buying a cargo liner and a dividing net to make sure he stayed back there and stopped ransacking my vehicle while he had it for the day… out of my pocket. Fuck. Anyways..

I haven’t had a real kiss other than a forced peck for weeks, I haven’t had any holding or cuddling for weeks, I haven’t had sex for weeks (although he will take any blowjob offered with nothing in return for me) and I haven’t had a loving, connected moment together in weeks. He’s so focused on his own world, I’m just here. That resource giving him my truck while I sit without, spending hundreds and hundreds on gas, booking his appointments, setting up the sale and bringing him home a vehicle, getting in shit at work from ensuring I am supporting him, giving one sided blowjobs to feel some kind of fake connection to pacify me for now.

I went to a gathering last night. The first one I’ve EVER gone to with my work colleagues. I had two other opportunities before and bf couldn’t understand why I wanted to “fraternize”. I do not drink. I just wanted to feel apart of my team. He knew I was having a really fucking hard time making friendships/acquaintances at work. So, there’s a new guy on the platoon and his mom flew in from china. She wanted to cook his platoon a late dinner/drinks. Dinner was served at 730, I was sweaty and gross and wouldn’t make it on time, but I could be there for after. Confirmed this was ok with him. He also just bought his first house, and he doesn’t know anyone here other than work people. I decided fuck it, I’m sick of pandering to everyone else. I want to go and do this for myself. My work life I hell, I need it to get better. I got off at 7 pm, went to the store and bought a small housewarming gift, showered and got ready quickly, and got to his house at 9. When I got home after getting the gift, my boyfriend didn’t even acknowledge me. He cooked himself dinner, knowing I was coming home and in a rush, and hardly acknowledged me leaving. I said I could see he was mad at me, he denied it and continued brushing me off. Said I’ve already *chosen* how to spend my time. He made me give him a time I would be home. I got scared and said 11 thinking it was a trap anyways. He made a big stink when I said I’d be home at 11, said that’s late, he will be getting in bed then. I said well, I miss you, I’ve *been* missing you, but I need to do this for myself and show my coworkers Chinese mother that he has a circle here in Canada that cares about him. Boyfriend half assed said he understood and to “have fun”… Ok yeah I’ll try but now I’m fucking worried about what I’ve caused here. Before leaving, I asked him if I could wake him up if he was asleep by 11 because I’ve missed him and would like to maybe have sex. Yes I miss sex but I was also trying to show he is my only interest incase he was nervous about me going sexless for so long and then hanging out with drinking coworkers… regardless of the setting and me being sober. He said no. He wants to sleep. I asked him why I had to rush through this to come home at 11 if he would be sleeping. He said so I know you’re ok and where you are. Which felt like bullshit and just controlling. He was just mad I was doing something out of the house. When my dad died and I was trying to be present for my mom, he did the same thing and masked it as fine while he seethed and I paid for it in withdrawal and micro aggressions after. I ended up not seeing my mom for 2 months to avoid it because I couldn’t handle anymore and I’ll never forgive myself for leaving her like that. That’s partly why I rode so hard for her with these vehicles and all the trips, trying to prove to her how remorseful I was.

I went, it was awesome, very chill. I finally got to see everyone out of uniform and in a casual setting and they got to see me in a more human and colleague manner. They were all buddies before i joined and i am a civilian supporting this platoon, so I’m stuck in office while they’re out on road and there has always been a massive disconnect.

Anyways. 1030 rolls around. Everyone’s just cracking their second beers, and I check in on bf. He said he’s putting the dog out and going to bed. I said do you really need me home at 11 if you’re sleeping? It’s going well. He said “No. Drive safe. Love you. Goodnight”.

This felt disingenuous, obviously. 12 rolls around and the platoon finds out their DD ditched. I offered to DD. At 1, I’m very tired and getting scared, but everyone’s having fun watching much music videos and talking golf, and I don’t wannabe “that guy”. 115, boyfriend texts me

“where are you?”

“????”

He got out of bed and checked the drive way.

I get up and say I gotta call it a night, whoever needs a ride should start getting their things together to go.

I do drop offs and get home at 140. I sleep on the couch (I always do on nights I get off at midnight so I don’t wake him because he is a light sleeper and foul towards me if he wakes).. so I did the same and slept on the couch last night.

I text him to tell him I’m home and downstairs sleeping

I wake up to him having read it at 3 AM. So he woke up again and checked.

I hear him come down at 7 AM for coffee. He usually just sits on the couch beside me. Today he took his coffee upstairs back to the bedroom.

I got up and made my own and joined him. He hardly looked at me. I asked if he slept ok because it’s awkward (knowing he obviously did not) and he said no. I asked howcome. He said you know why. I said why? He said you didn’t text me to tell me when you were coming home. I said I didn’t want to wake you, you made it clear 11 pm sharp for your sleep time, and you need to trust me that I’ll make good decisions. I don’t even drink.

He left for work.

So

It’s been…. A couple months of this. Tensions. Withdrawn intimacy, snapping at me, no sex, one sided sexual acts, only thinking about himself, being combative, trapping me into lose/lose situations…

I just don’t know how long I’m supposed to take this. I finally broke down the other day after my Sgt got pissed at me for leaving to get him. Said I can’t take it anymore, I’m getting it from all sides. I sobbed saying I feel like I can’t do anything right. He snapped at me and told me I was speaking bullshit and to get a grip.

How. Long. Is. This. Acceptable? I live with him, I love him, he’s so many qualities I love. You’re hearing the bad stuff, but he’s intelligent, extremely driven business and future wise, he’s very resourceful and handy around the house, we love each others company, playing games together, working out together, couch time together, we share 2 pets together, and he’s usually pretty calm if everything’s ok... But on the flip side, he is inconsiderate, expects me to run on his schedule, have his dinner ready between 5-6 or he feels unprioritized, self absorbed, covert controlling, cannot take ANY criticism no matter how soft I approach it, blows up when I want to talk things out, and withholds intimacy for sport if any minor thing happens.

Usually I get a break from this side of him, but lately it’s just daily. How long do I give him to work his shit out? I’ve been so fucking accommodating and calm under this pressure and patient but I am starting to feel taken for granted and walked on. But when I think of coming to a point where I’d need to walk to preserve a sliver of self respect, I get scared because I truly have no place to go. I have no friends for reasons that should be obvious by now, and my mom has no room for me. One Aunt has full house, other lives in that other city. And plus, I do love him and I keep going back to the more stable times and mourning them and feel like I’d be making a mistake.

Help me understand my best course of action in regards to my debt pay down, and navigate a ticking bomb between my boyfriend and I (CANADA)

[Guys, this started as a basic “this or that” post and I ended up going on an effing tangent. I clearly need this off my chest. I’m sorry lol..]

Here’s my general inflow vs outflow and interest percentages…

Income:

$2,000 bi weekly net

Outflow:

Vehicle payment: $355 biweekly

$23,084, 2 yrs 8 months remaining, %5.99

This is the big issue right now.

For context, I should be paying mostly principle by now. It’s a 1/2 ton truck. My town is small with tons of hills, bad road maintenance, no public transportation, the weather hits -45 Celsius over winter, and we regularly have to plow ourselves through 2-3 feet of snow dumps/drifts over night before our plows get out. 4x4 is not a choice here if you want to maintain employment and also not die.. now the quality/trim level of vehicle housing that 4x4 is a different story and where I got too silly. I still don’t regret it. Anyways, moving on..

Personal loan: $434.47 monthly

$11736.40 remaining, 24.24% interest, 3 years 3 months remaining

Personal loan: $283.06 monthly

$5820, 11.45% variable interest, 2 years remaining

CT Mastercard: $1,700 balance, 20% ish? Interest. I transfer my gas money to it and collect ct money.. that’s the extent of my payments on this card so far.. so, none

Phone bill: $140 monthly recurring

Over due by $400 due to buyout/device return after 2 year contract. I kept the phone. I’d like to pay this off and get onto Koodo for $50 per month.

Groceries/household: $800-$1000per month

Gas: 160 bi weekly.. when I first bought it it was only 100 bi weekly. Gas prices are insane.

Insurance: $240 per month

Subscriptions: $55 per month, Spotify family and YouTube premium, prime

Pet care: $110

Bank fees: $26 per month

I think that’s everything… give or take 30 to be safe incase I’m missing something.

And I have $3,800 in owed taxes to CRA I am going to be setting up payment plan for soon

Before CRA payments I have like 680-880 leftover.. allegedly. I went through my bank statements, I seem to do a lot of quick Walmart runs or other store runs to get dinner to cook for the night if I forgot to thaw something, or pick up miscellaneous items I forgot to pick up, work lunches.. a drugstore body wash or mascara here and there. I thrift my clothes for cheap.. I just need to tighten up my reigns more. I guess. I have started making coffee at home. I do vape and buy my boyfriend a vape once or twice a month…. Honestly probably 120-160 month I’m spending at vape store. 🤮🤮 and I buy him stuff he needs when he needs it (nothing huge, but it nickel and dimes me) since I am living rent free.

Anyways

I need to pay off a debt to start snowball.

Here’s the thing-

Bf wants me to sell my truck and net a couple grand for it if possible. I’d start driving his old beater lol.

I’ve been paying this vehicle off since October 2021. I’m basically paying right onto principle now. I am choked at the thought of selling it after this long. Only just now it’s about to roll into 100k on the odometer.

What would you do if you were me? I really hate my job, my life feels… lifeless, so I’d like to have like $200 month fun money. Is that feasible? What would you do?

Should I sell my truck before I can’t make money or break even on it and get into his old beater? (with a blown engine by the way… that’s going to cost 6-7k to fix before I can take it. And no, I won’t be helping with that. I’m in no position, and this is his truck. This truck has also been a problem with things going wrong with it and needing repairs since I met him 2 years ago. It’s a 2015 gmc with only 130k on it. It just blew a month ago. My truck has been ran ragged lately getting us both to work and wherever else. It saved our asses. This is his idea he’s pushing me hard on…. But, I love my vehicle, I take pride in this one asset I have, it’s my escape when I need it, it’s a high trim so my sound system gives me visceral joy.. i adore my sun roof, I adore my v8 hemi power, and I don’t mind paying for it... it’s like only of the only joys in my life. I feel so good in it. Like, “yeah this is mine”… I’m PROUD of it. It’s one of a kind colour around here, I get so many compliments. It’s the only one in a 300km radius.. but it is costing me like 1300-1400 per month altogether so I understand that’s a huge portion of my income and my priorities sound whack)

Or should I keep it? Run it into the ground? It’s got brand new tires and just had a starter replaced. It needs brakes and a front axle at some point.

his blown truck he’s trying to get me into, a quarter ton, has the seats absolutely tore up, the insides are falling out, the infotainment system doesn’t work, it reeks like wet dog and the scent has permanently implanted deep into the seats because theyre torn open. He let his dog absolutely destroy this truck. The whole length of the truck is scratched and gouged in the hundreds because of rubbing it against trees in and out of the back driveway for years, and for whatever reason he sawed a square out of the box. I know I sound entitled. I just feel emotional about that kind of a transition. I didn’t work this hard on making these payments and taking this kind of care of it to just get rid of it and get into a swamp truck… that needs $7k of work anyways to get it running and I can’t even listen to music in it.

I’m also kind of upset about it because I was doing a lot better before I had to get that 435 / month loan with the high interest so I could get my boobs lifted and implanted so my boyfriend would want to look at me naked… (major weight loss.. had socks with rocks. Boner killer apparently. I don’t wanna stick on that too much here. I’m just salty)

I don’t know what to do. What would you do financially? What would you attack first? Should I wipe clear of my truck and get into his?

I want to cry thinking about it. I’m so attached to my vehicle.. and with starting at $63,000 and having it down to $23,000… to give it up NOW feels like a shot to the heart. I’ve kept it in good standing through job-loss and 6 months of unemployment and let myself drown everywhere else. Ive always made sure my vehicle was paid somehow. As you can tell I am extremely bothered by the thought of ditching my baby for a truck that is trashed, dash stuff doesn’t work, stinks to high hell, and has been nothing but a problem for him.. I want to throw in my trim level is a sport with all kinds of upgrades, and his is basic trim. Yes I’m being such a picky asshat I know 😭

He is calling me emotional about my reluctance to getting rid of my truck. He says I’m not thinking within reality and I need to use my logic. Well my reality and logic is I’ve invested heavily, care and finance wise, into this vehicle, and he didn’t give a flying fuck about his to the point it’s trashed… and yet he STILL can’t seem to get rid of his

He could fix it for 6-7 plus new seats, and then sell it for 15-16 probably.. But no, mine has to go, and he gets to keep his in the yard and available to him… which seems emotional on his part. He had admitted he’s choked about the thought of giving up his truck now that it’s paid off. He also just buying a used SUV for himself to drive after the truck blew because no one would look at it let alone repair it. Well a couple weeks after his SUV purchase some home based mechanic opened shop and is willing to take it on. So now, I obviously need to give up my vehicle.

So the end goal is, I save my truck money, aggressively pay off my other debts, and then invest into a commercial property for HIS business. That I have tried to get in on, since I’m good at it and hate my job, and he doesn’t want to intertwine home life and work life, so I was stiff armed. But he wants a property so he can expand, and my employment income will help him at the bank. Ugh. Then we look into rental properties later down the line… And then at least one of us has a proper retirement.

And then I think about how much money ill save, and have a moment of clarity that maybe this really is purely about “helping me”, and then I feel like a crazy asshole and like I should just suck it up and sell it because I am so LUCKY.

I don’t pay rent because I take care of groceries, all the domestic duties, shopping, household stuff, at his request and offer while working 48 hours a week… and now have that boob loan 🥲🔫

So sorry this is a mess. I know I sound like a spoiled brat… but my argument is I’ve sunk 40k into this so far and it’s been an extremely reliable vehicle minus the general wear and tear. I sound so entitled I’m sorry.