failed suicide attempt during finals week. what now?
i'm a college student and i think it's really sinking in now i'm never gonna kill myself no matter how badly i want to. i'm gonna have to keep living for the rest of my life.
what do i do now though? it's finals week, and i'm missing a bunch of school assignments and admission requirements. my professors probably think i'm slacking off and to be fair, they're not fully wrong. so do i just have to get back on those now? i guess the obvious answer is yes, but i don't know. it pisses me off that unless i die i just have to keep carrying on like nothing happened. to be honest, i'm not a prudent student and i don't care about my grades or what happens to me. but as long as i'm enrolled i have a responsibility to fulfill to the people who put me in there.
i don't know about therapy, it took me three months to schedule one appointment with the school counselor and all they told me was that what i was feeling was perfectly normal and acceptable. to be honest i don't even know if it's worth getting help anymore. it won't change anything and no one will believe me.
this is a bit of a downer post, so sorry for that >_> i know i have to get on with things sooner or later, but when i think about it i get so upset i can't get started on anything. how do i fix this? i just want everything over with.