I wish I had never been born.
I am 17 years old now and have come to the realization that I wish I had never been born in the first place.
Although I have a group of friends who I could regularly go out with I still feel extremely lonely at heart. I am also unable to make any new friends because of how much I struggle with socializing with people that I don't know. I am really bad at talking to them and even if we get along quite well it never lasts. I believe this is also because of how uninteresting I am as a person. I have zero really "cool" experiences and can't find anything that I'm passionate about.
I have come to accept that I won't be able to experience "teenage love" even though it is one of my deepest desires to connect with another person on a deep emotional level.
I also hate multiple things about myself for example how lazy I am. I have of course tried to change this but I just can't. I also hate how shy I am, I often find myself dreading social encounters that would be easy for others and I am really embarrassed about it. I struggle with opening up to people about my feelings and if I do I feel like I'm never getting taken seriously.
I have been unable to find true happiness in my life for 8 years now and I dread my future. I am certain that my life will only get worse from here as I can't seem to get any better.