Someone plz help, anyone advice ,anything or just hear me out
I remember being insecure and extremely jealous since I cam remember as a very young young kid. I am 24 now and this seems to keep getting worse and worse to the point where I think of $uicide everyday. I don't think there's a day where I dont all I care about is my appearance 24/7 there's not a time or day where I'm not thinking how I look. I feel like I have to be the most beautiful or atleast in my bfs eyes or I cannot live . He does think that way he says , he tells me everytime and plz don't comment anything negative , everyone has their diff opinions on who's the most beautiful etc ..wat I'm trying to say is plz don't burst my bubble , let me be delusion if I have to ... I need urgent help or advice or just atleast someone to hear me out , I'm seriously not ok, I'm really not , like I said it's like I have to be the most beautiful ...atleast to him and that's all that matters because I love him ,only him and carrs what he thinks. He does tells me alot and randomly, which makes me feel good but no matter how many times he tells me I'm still not happy with myself , he can tell 1000x times but I still feel $uicdal all the time.. thing also is, I wear shades 24/7 that's how bad this shit is , this is really bad guys. Really bad . I have worn shades for about 6 yrs straight 24;7 , i have not seen my reflection for about the same time period as well and I cannot even think of doing so. The feeling i get is indescribable, it's like a feeling of pure fkn doom of extreme excruciating pain guys ....he's only seen me without shades about 3 times and I am deeply deeply afraid to take them off infront of him, someone plz help me or give me advice, anything ...this is also taking alot I mean alot for me to write here so any help is greatly greatly appreciated