My girlfriend (16F) kissed another guy at a party while on a “break” with me (16M), how do I deal with this, is this cheating, and how do I process my emotions in a healthy way?
Hey so this is a throwaway acc, but I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 11 months now and I’ve felt a bit uncomfortable many times to the point where I’ve broken up with her and gotten back together with her by the end of the argument. I feel horrible each time especially since I’m the one breaking up with her each time, and I really care about her.
With that context here’s the situation.
Basically we broke up again sometime in January but knowing our breakups it didn’t really last longer than a few hours. This time however we were broken up for like 3 days this time which is like our record. I ended up caving in and we got back together (I fell really hard for her, being my crush from middle school and all). However before that we made an agreement that we would continue talking as like “friends” but we would tell each other if we got with someone else or started talking to someone else. Well three months pass and she’s been dropping comments like “would you forgive me if I cheated” and I would always be like ”yeah ofc but I’d be hurt about it and it would take time to heal” which idk I want to be a kind, patient, and forgiving person but it definitely hurts real bad even considering something like that. Eventually one day we were calling and I slipped up and she caught me watching porn (which yeah has been a pretty bad addiction since my older cousins friend showed me porn for the first time in the 5th grade) but yeah shamefully and regrettably I kept it hidden from everyone because I was embarrassed (I didn’t really think of it as a betrayal even though it most definitely was, I should have trusted her with it and tbh I’ve been trying to fight it for years now only really coming back once a month when times were low). However when she caught me she only half flamed me and then told me she had a secret she had been keeping for a while (3months now) and thought that I should be able to relate since she caught me watching porn. she ended up telling me that when we were on “break” she kissed another guy at a her friends party who conveniently also went to another high school. she told me she immediately left after and felt uncomfortable because he kissed her. I don’t know whether to believe her but she seemed really sad and hurt by the situation I decided to drop it and comfort her through it and forgive her in that moment. Although I did forgive her, I keep thinking about it and it just feels more hurtful now and Idk whether to trust if shes telling the truth or no, especially since she used my addiction as a shield for her confession and since she told me that we had been broken up for a week when I very explicitly remember it being 3 days. I tried bringing it back up with her but she shut me down and then began to shut down herself and got super emotional so I dropped it again. Idk what to do so I came here desperatel. I just need advice navigating and putting a label on the situation and how to handle my own emotions so that I can maturely handle everything else. I greatly appreciate any help and thank you to anyone who read the huge blocks of text!!!