My adult child just came out
One week ago, my adult child (age 23) told me he is Trans. I am still using his former pronouns as he has not changed them yet, but that change is coming soon. I completely support my child and love him unconditionally. I have acknowledged his courage and pledged that my husband (his stepdad) and I will support him in any way possible. We have acknowledged his understanding of himself and respect his right to self discovery and determination.
Im dealing with a lot of feelings and must do so privately out of respect for my child's position and privacy. I'm in no way disappointed or grieving in a way that some people might think one would in this situation. I'm choosing to see this as an opportunity for a unique parenting experience and a chance to know my child in ways other parents can never experience.
But there is still grief. I just feel like a total idiot. I never knew I was raising my child as the wrong gender. I thought I was a fairly good mom for the most part, but how many times did I inflict harm or trauma on my child just because of the choices I made assuming he was a boy? I feel the need to acknowledge and apologize for some of that to my child but also do not want to burden him with what I am processing when I know he has so much of his own weight to carry. I just have to carry these feelings alone for now.
I missed out on the experience of raising my child as my daughter. Im sure we can recreate some experiences as time goes on... but I wish I could have known so that I could get him the care he needed sooner.
Im spending a lot of time worrying about my child's safety as they enter transition. I worry about cruelty and how some family members may react as they are told. Ive already decided that I have no space for intolerance and will leave anyone behind who is unsupportive or unwilling to try to learn.
I just want to add that im feeling a little gross referring to my child with he/him pronouns when my child is most likely my daughter. But I have promised my child that I will take direction from him as he moves through transitioning. As has always been the case, I love watching my child blossom into the person he was always meant to be.
Are there any other parents out there who relate to these feelings when their child came out to them?