Identity crisis
Hi everyone! / Hola a todo!
This is my first time posting anything on Reddit, so if I'm doing something wrong or breaking any rules, please let me know.
I'm 38 years old and live in Norway. I've lived in Norway my whole life (except for a few years as a student), and grew up with my mother without any siblings or a father. I have two children and a partner I've been with for 14 years. I have my own business, my own apartment, and have everything pretty much in order.
I should be satisfied, but I feel like I'm searching for something.
Ever since I was little, I've had questions about who my father is and what kind of person he was. My mother has always been guarded with information and hasn't really given me any answers. What I did know was that he was from Uruguay and that they met in Ibiza. She was 32 years old, and he was 19.
When I was 17, we had a big argument. I wanted to know more, and she didn't want to say anything. When the argument was over, she gave me a letter he had written to her. The letter was dated 2001. At that time I was 13 years old. The letter said he was sorry for wanting her to have an abortion, that he was in a bad place in his life and was immature. At the end of the letter it also said that he wanted contact and was ready to be a part of my life. After this I tried to contact the Uruguayan embassy in Norway, but to no avail.
In 2015 I searched for his name on Facebook, and he appeared in the search results. I had searched before but hadn't gotten a result until then. I reached out, and we had our first meeting in Spain in 2016, where he now lives. It was an incredibly stressful meeting with a lot of communication problems. But I got to meet my uncle, my grandmother, my father, and his wife. After this meeting I was essentially done with it, and things settled down.
After this we had sporadic contact, and in 2018 he came to Norway with his wife. They stayed with us (me and my partner), and it was another stressful meeting.
Fast forward to January of this year, 2026, it was my turn to visit him. We went as a whole family. This meeting was fantastic. I was relaxed and calm. He and his wife were wonderful with the children and were fantastic hosts. There was so much warmth and love.
After this last meeting, something has changed in me. I think I forgave him after that last visit. The wounds could start to heal. I've begun learning Spanish and have an enormous pull toward participating in Latin American culture. It feels like I need to reclaim what was lost. It feels like a kind of identity crisis.
My partner doesn't feel the same pull toward this, understandably. She has been supportive, but she has also expressed fear that I'll run off with a girl from Latin America. She knows I have an attraction toward women from that part of the world, and I think that has something to do with my father — since I knew so little about him and his culture, I've fixated on other things that can bring me closer to him. I've explained my feelings to her about this being an attempt to make up for lost time. She understands it, but is still afraid of losing me and feels like I'm disappearing into this. Now I don't know what to do. My hope is that things will settle down once I've explored enough. But honestly, I'm not sure.
Do you think I'm onto the root of my inner turmoil? Should I hold back from this and hope it passes? Or should I explore this further? I'm happy to answer questions if you need any further clarification.