(28M) my partner (24F) took experimental drugs behind my back, how do I process this?
Partner took experimental drugs behind my back
Keeping this short, I recently found out my partner was taking experimental peptides from china which were taken by injection.
I found this out after raising my concerns with her recent emotional distantness and health. She lost a ton of weight within 3 months and maintains an unhealthy eating habits such as eating less than maintenance 1000 kcals and below daily. She has also been super emotionally distant since start of year which lines up with when she started, which resulted in her being less intimate, less affectionate and just seemingly being uninterested in everything.
She confessed after I asked if anything had happened because I had felt she was behaving like someone completely different rather suddenly. Once she had told me she had started taken this drug and I researched side effect I felt like every poor interaction or distance between us was a result of this.
The difficulty for me is that she actually broke up with me 2 months ago, which was during the time she was on the highest dose, but had finished at the end of that month. She broke up with me with her reasoning being she felt like she was a bad partner, we were distant and she was checked out.
To me this was heartbreaking and but I accepted her decision. The next day she text me saying she was sorry and regretted the decision and said she would get therapy if I accepted her back. Which I did. However, now 2 months later and she hasn’t even looked into getting therapy at all.
I guess what I am trying to get at is, my girlfriend clearly suffers from mental health issues and ED. I have acknowledged this after finding this out because she decided not to tell me before out of embarrassment.
My question to you all, is how do I process this? I feel betrayed but also sad due to her feeling the way she does. It’s her body and she can do whatever she wants, but I cannot force her to get help. But I am now in a position where I am emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed due to other things in relationship, but this has completely thrown me off.
It just makes me look back on everything and wonder if “X was because of the drug”, or “she stopped doing Y because of the drug”.
4.5 year relationship btw.