BF says he'll look after me but refuses to create structural wealth with me
Me (F, 56) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (M, 57) for close to 3 years. When we got together, he announced he was very rich and he would look after me. He said he wanted to marry me and be together forever. He knew I had no money - lost it all in the FTX crypto cash. I was in love and wasn't motivated by his money. I see wealth as affording a nicer life - but honestly am with someone because of shared values, connection and being able to build a life together. Over the past 2.5 years, I've supported him through his divorce, being estranged from his adult daughters (2 of the 3 are now back in the fold) and his career. He knew I wanted to write a book and said he'd support me. He also agreed to 6 months in my country, 6 months in his. Very early into the piece he told me he couldn't be in my country until he retires and since I was working freelance at that time, why didn't we prioritize his career earnings. Told me it made more sense as he could earn more money for our future. Fast forward to last November and out of the blue tells me he won't marry without a prenup. this is news to me. I had asked him these questions when we got together and he had said he had shared assets with his wife and he didn't see how he'd change. I felt completely sidelined - and stupid that I had put my earning aside for these past years and was now out of the workplace for too long. He also told me when we got together that we'd have a home in both our countries. He owns his house in America. Now he's saying he'll only pay for 6 months or 20K a year. We had a terrible fight yesterday because I complained that he was micromanaging me on buying a coffee. My only money is his credit card, and any time I spend on it he gets an alert. He never not says something about what I'm buying - be it coffee or groceries. I feel very stressed. When i told him this is a kind of financial abuse, he told me I don't understand money because I don't have any savings, essentially that I can't be trusted to be responsible. I raised a child on my own. His rich in-laws paid for his daughters education, clothes, haircuts and makeup but apparently I'm the irresponsible one. His solution to my complaint? Cancel my card and give me 1K a month, which is well below unemployment benefits. I feel trapped and lied to and I don't know what to do. How do I get equity in this relationship with this man who tells me he loves me but when I try to get him to structurally commit, shuts down and devalues me.
To add: He is in America, has millions but very frugal and a planner looking at longevity in retirement. No affair, he was separated. I was traveling when we met, but instead of returning home to my career, joined him in America and on his travels. I can't work in America, but also can't pick up any contract work from my home country because of the time difference. The only way I can get a job is to return home. So yes, I've sacrificed earnings to be in America with him. I've done a bit of research since posting this and it seems a no-strings allowance is not uncommon, but it should be more than 1k a month to match cost of living. 1k is less than unemployment benefits and doesn't cover cost of living. The thinking is it should give me discretionary spending and also allow me to save.