AITA for believing in the don’t invited don’t come
I (34f) and my husband (38m) have been married for going on 8 years. Very happily married. For reference my family is almost as non existent as world peace. I have one distant sister a few relatives that check in every once in a while but they don’t check in at all, and are not really present. My husband has family near us but it’s always been very much so sees on holidays only type of situation. We have 4 children in total (1 each and 2 together they all live with us full time) his family never speaks to us hardly. We used to reach out to try to communicate, extend birthday wishes etc. we would only see them on holidays simply on the invite premises of that’s tradition, then get there and feel completely out of place. Or my husband would have anxiety going there. He loves them they are just very much so the our life is better than yours type. Moving forward sorry… his cousins have recently had weddings. The oldest of the girls we didn’t get a save the date a notification or anything. Everyone else in the family got a formal notice/invite. We got notified 2 days before her shower. Her wedding was the following week. We got told that after I told his mother we couldn’t make the shower. So no invite. My thoughts. Not invited don’t go. The younger sister also had a wedding shortly after; again, we got told by his mother. We will reach out to them with absolutely no response. Ex. I sent her a message saying I’m sorry I missed this event we didn’t get notice. Insert crickets. So I stopped. We didn’t attend the last Thanksgiving. No one but my husband’s parents said anything. However, even they are now putting the blame of missing events my way. We have four children, no reliable support system so finding someone to watch them in two days time is just not doable. Plus I feel we haven’t been invited. Because if we were WANTED THERE, we would be told by them to come. My husband is now upset with himself but it’s always been just us. No one checks in to ask about the kids or say hello or even ask how they are. They don’t show up to parties when we extend the invite. Much less pick up the phone. Am I right to have this thought on “family”. Or is my concept of not invited don’t go appropriate. And if I’m the ahole how do I go about fixing this situation?
For a bit more context. We did invite them directly to things. They would never show. We do not go to things we aren’t invited to because for the simple reason of we are not invited. We distanced ourselves from them because they are extremely judgmental. I personally don’t get bothered by it normally but his parents are now upset we never come to anything. However, we don’t receive the invite to come.