One and only post. A warning to all what this addiction might lead to.
I'm a 34 year old man. P destroyed my life. I might just wake up one of you today. Or maybe not.
Because if I imagine I had read this post 10 years ago I'd probably have dismissed it. Called this message something coming from a loser or a 'very unfortunate dude' that just got unlucky. Something I'd never end up as. Or that I would easily quit this addiction, 'the moment it would be necessary'. I'd have laughed at this freakshow. How ironic.
So many years later I have hit rock bottom.
Spend my entire youth in my room being addicted. From age 16. Same thing in University, no social life, using P at least one to multiple hours a day. Same thing as an adult.
P quickly turned into something to regulate emotions and stress with. Using it to self-medicate. Fleeing into P.
An addiction. Couldn't stop. Tried stopping dozens of times from age 26. Never lasted.
Losing sleep, missing deadlines, half-assing work and looking like a drug addict that had just had 4 hours of sleep. Watching and 'edging' from 9 pm till 2 am. Watching from 10 am in the morning on the weekends. Downloading, collecting.
After all this time my dopamine system is fried. I can not get aroused anymore without using P. It influenced my entire life negatively.
I have a totally twisted image of what intimacy is.
At age 34 I haven't had a relationship in 16 years.
No built up social circle since I spend all time on P and skipping social meetings. Total isolated loser with little social skills. After decades of this I have some social anxiety as well.
Missed out on opportunities at work, little to no charisma, no assertivity.
I wasted so much time and opportunities I'll never ever get back. I missed doing a doctorate because of this. I just didn't apply myself.
How ironic that it took a serious injury to make me snap out of it. That's right. As with many people dealing with this, the trigger usually needs to become more extreme to trigger dopamine.
It also lead to me doing abnormal physical manipulations to my Johnson. This lead to a serious injury while using a penis pump and ring. I injured a nerve in my D and got a BEND in my penis caused by scarring called Peyronies decease.
Getting Peyronies decease is actually one of the worst things you can have happen to your Johnson.
Now I have a seriously altered experience with sex, in the most negative way. Imagine your D gets a agnled 45 degree bend to the left. And hurts for over a year before the scar tissue hardens locking in the bend.
There is a whole subforum of this on Reddit, full of men who want to unalive because of it. It has wrecked my mental health as well.
My entire life from age 16 basically led me down this current road in life I find myself on. I could have taken another road or turn at any point in my life, had basically so many 'exits' to take on this road. But I didn't.
And this is how I ended up.
Dont be like me. I'm not saying you'll end up with a freak injury, but the damage P does is well known and P will not benefit your life in any way.