Is it possible for me [43f] to reestablish trust with my husband [42m]
For context, I’m 42F and have long‑standing trust issues from my past. I have spent many years in therapy working on myself and learning how to build healthier patterns, and I’ve made real progress.
I’ve been with my current husband for almost seven years, married for two. The beginning of our relationship felt incredibly safe and supportive, and it motivated me to keep doing the hard work in therapy. He has consistently shown up for me and has generally been a trustworthy partner.
Because of my history, I sometimes struggle with fears around infidelity. I’ve been actively working on choosing trust and grounding myself when old patterns get triggered.
Last night something happened that really set off those old fears. He got home earlier than usual, and during dinner his phone made a sound I didn’t recognize. He said it was someone from a game he plays calling through an app called Line. I asked to see the message because I felt anxious, and the brief glimpse I saw didn’t seem game‑related to me. When I asked again, he became upset, didn’t want to show me more, and ended up deleting the app.
Last night something happened that really set off those old fears. He got home earlier than usual, and during dinner his phone made a sound I didn’t recognize. He said it was someone from a game he plays calling through an app called Line. I asked to see the message because I felt anxious, and the brief glimpse I saw didn’t seem game‑related to me. When I asked again, he became upset, didn’t want to show me more, and ended up deleting the app.
He suggested couples counseling, which we’ve done before, but im not sure I’m open to it. I’m just struggling with how to rebuild trust after a moment that felt destabilizing, especially when I’ve been working so hard on my own patterns.
My question:
For people who have been through something similar, how do you approach rebuilding trust after a triggering incident when both partners may be coming from different emotional places?
TL;DR:
I’m 42F with a history of trust trauma from past relationships. My current husband (together almost 7 years, married 2) has generally been reliable and supportive, and I’ve worked hard in therapy to build healthier patterns. A small incident recently triggered old fears, and I’m struggling with how to steady myself and rebuild trust after feeling destabilized.