feeling insecure
i’m not really sure what i’m looking for with this post other than maybe some reassurance that i’m not the only person who feels like this.
over the last year or so i really let myself go and ended up gaining nearly 100lbs, which has put me into the class 3 obesity range. i’d actually planned to spend this summer trying to lose some of the weight and feel a bit more like myself again, but then i found out i’m pregnant.
i’m so, so excited about my baby and i already want them more than anything, but i’m finding it really hard to separate that excitement from how insecure i feel about my weight. i keep worrying that something is going to go wrong with the pregnancy or with my baby because of my size, and i’m also really scared of being judged by midwives/doctors or other people for getting pregnant at my weight.
we haven’t really told anyone yet, and weirdly i’m even nervous about telling people because there’s this horrible little voice in my head telling me that people will think i “shouldn’t” be pregnant at my size, or that i should have lost weight first. i know logically that being plus size doesn’t mean i don’t deserve to have a baby, but i’m struggling to actually feel that way.
i think part of it is also grieving the pregnancy i imagined having, where i’d feel confident and excited about my bump, rather than worrying about whether i’ll even look pregnant or just bigger.
this is mostly just a bit of a rant, but i’d really love to hear from anyone who is/was pregnant at a similar size. did you have these feelings too? and did they get any easier as your pregnancy progressed?