My Cymbalta experience 8 months in.
Hey everyone.
Firstly, I just want to say to those of you having a hard time and trying to figure everything out - hang in there, you will get there.
I think it's best for me to give a little bit of general background about my situation before and after starting Cymbalta.
For more or less as far back as I can remember, I struggled with some form of depression and social anxiety. Primarily, it was depression, and I actually did quite well socially in my early years, but really struggled with discomfort when it came to intimacy with others. Once I hit about 17 the anxiety started subtly and by the time I was 20, I was having multiple panic attacks a day. I couldn't look people in the eye and did not understand why, I would immediately start panicking in any sort of queueing / waiting system. Standing in line in the store? Internally terrified. The waiting room for a doctor? Several soul destroying trips to the bathroom just to put cold water on my face just to feel somewhat grounded.
I vividly remember one-time I was out having drinks with some friends, met this beautiful girl and we were walking together and sat down to talk after the bar. It was going so well and all of a sudden I started shivering, she asked was I ok and I genuinely freaked her out and I know I made her uncomfortable but I was just having a panic attack. God I'll never forget how embarrassing that was. I mention this for a reason I'll address at the bottom.
Even when I was at home alone with nothing to trigger me, I would suddenly feel the fight or flight kick in and would quite literally have to lie down on my stomach on the bed before I fainted out of panic.
Not fun, not thanks.
This all culminated in a solid 4-5 years of just... wasted existence. No motivation, no thought process beyond escapism through games or isolation or something that blocked out life.
Finally one day, I approached my mother and told them, that whilst I wasn't having any thoughts about youknow , i just didn't have an single content thought in my life.
So she hugged me, I cried my eyes out, I never cry, but I was a grown man bawling in his mothers arms for probably 30 minutes.
The next week, I went to my doctor and we started out with:
- Hi doctor, I can't stop having panic attacks, several a day.
So I got prescribed sertraline. These did nothing for me, I took them for 1.5 months and felt no change.
- Hi again doctor, I'm still having attacks, my life is miserable, I'm sorry.
We moved onto Beta-Blockers. These worked! But ...not really. I didn't have as many panic attacks, but I felt so viciously uncomfortable in my chest and could feel my heart beat in my feet sometimes. Apparently they slow your heart rate and your bloodflow changes. My doctor told me I had to go off them because they weren't suitable for me. I was heartbroken, it meant panic attacks all the time again.
- Xanax (0.500mcg)
Boom. Cured. Not a single panic attack. Even more-so, not a spec of anxiety even when out in public! Finally. But. Of course there's a but. They are short-term only. You take these for a few weeks and they stop working, you are CONSTANTLY exhausted, not just tired, absolutely exhausted on an atomic level. I knew they weren't the answer.
Then my doctor finally said to me: "Fair Librarian . . I want you to try this medication called Cymbalta. I know you've said that the anxiety and depression are things you can work on, it's the panic attacks. But in my experience, you're either depressed or anxious or one causes you to have the other and you're both, then because they are compounding and feeding each other, the panic sets in because your body and brain are trying to tell you it's time to fix it. So let's try these.
I agreed. I looked online and saw the horror stories and even though it terrified me, you know what terrified me more? Living the way I was forever. . .
So he gave me 2 xanax tablets for starting cymbalta. I felt absolutely ZERO benefits. The anxiety got worse, the night sweating started, panic attacks were rampant, I was naseuous.
Then week 2 came along and the nausea was gone. Week 3 and I noticed I wasn't having panic attacks randomly, only if I started hyperfocusing on having one. This was the way it was until 2 full months in.
Just over 2 months in on 30mg, The panic attacks were gone. completely. Still deal with anxiety.
another month later I actually reached out to my doctor and asked to go up to 60mg.
I'm now 8 months in and here's how I am doing:
Pros:
- No anxiety when I'm at home relaxing unless it's something extremely upsetting that would give anybody anxiety.
- 3 panic attacks in about...7 months I guess?
- No nausea.
- No uncomfortable feeling in my chest.
- Almost never have racing thoughts.
Cons:
- I sweat. a LOT. but only at night time, never more than usual in general.
- I rarely get a full 8 hours sleep any more. It's more like 3-4 hours, wake up, 3 hours and up then. Or 2 hours - 2 hours 2 hours.
- If I miss a dose, It's fine, I guess I get some brain zaps? But subtly and about 30 minutes after I take the dose I'm fine again, albeit more tired.
General information I want to share:
- I drink occasionally with Cymbalta. I NEVER skip my dose. I simply take my dose that morning, have my drinks that evening and take my dose the next morning. My hangovers are genuinely better than they were when I wasn't on Cymbalta because I don't have remotely as much anxiety / reasonless fear. I've had plenty of drinks at time and only 2 or 3 at times and felt no different. I do however ALWAYS drink my first drink very very slowly, like, an hour, just to be sure all is ok. This is anecdotal, not medical advice.
- Recently, I went to a wedding, met a girl I've always fancied, and we hung out for 3 days. Not a drop of anxiety or being in my own head, no panicking, and I even got a cheeky kiss here and there! How far I have come right?
- I have a meeting in the morning with someone to help me navigate going to college, something I'd have never been able to do, now I'm so excited to figure it out and it doesn't even matter that I'll be early 30's when I graduate, i'm just so thankful I can do it now.
- Drink. Water. Constantly. It will help you so so so much. Just be drinking water all the time haha.
I totally understand this is one persons experience, but I promise you, I've been you, I know... I really get it. But it's genuinely never too late, don't ever give up trying for yourself because you are great and you just need to find the way to let yourself experience that.
Feel free to ask any questions and I'll answer as best I can.