Struggling with Resentment
My wife and myself have been together 5 years. She has a 7 year old child and I am child free by choice. Our relationship is great and we love each other dearly. But recently I am struggling with alot of resentment towards the child.
My question is : if you are child free how do you cope with feeling like you as an individual and as a couple are missing out on life experiences because of the child?
I understand it is not the childs fault as such and I feel terrible for admitting it. But, I find myself just constantly struggling with feelings of " missing out " on life and it's getting to me.
My wife and myself are fortunate to both have jobs that allow us to be comfortable and would otherwise allow us to do things we would enjoy. I am feeling rather deflated recently because whenever I suggest or try to arrange anything of the sort the bubble is quickly burst because of the child.
The child is with her father roughly 40% of the time. But he is more of a "good time dad" and my wife feels like even when the child is with her father she must still be near by for the " real parenting". She is very anxious that she needs to be close by incase the child gets sick or needs something and her father is not equipped to cope. Which i do understand.
Despite that, I can't help feel resentment build because of just how much its preventing us experiencing life. Anytime I suggest a night away, a date or an adult activity its met with something along the lines of, " we can't **** has a birthday party that day" or " I can't take the day off work, I need to keep it for childcare just incase". I always understood this would happen to a degree with a child in the mix. But, it really is constant. My wife tried to tackle it by suggesting we take the child along. As terrible as it sounds, I see absolutely no point in spending alot of money to take a child to a fancy dinner, or a cultural holiday. It would just frustrate me more being there but not being able to actually experience it because you are catering for a child.
We did attempt this once and never again! I booked my wife's favourite restaurant followed by a cabin stay at her favourite spot for her birthday. When her daughter realised we were going for her mother's birthday all hell broke loose! She screamed the place down and when asked why she stated she was screaming the place down because, " she didn't care it was her mother's birthday". We didn't even make it to dinner before having to turn back home and missed out on our cabin stay.
The child suffers terribly with only child syndrome and can be very self centered. to say she consumes every bit of energy and time my wife has would be an understatement which further complicates things. I'm struggling with even the day to day sacrifices. Right now it feels like, I can't even have a minute with my wife without the child realising and all of a sudden immediately redirecting all attention on her. She has even began to fake illness to maximise attention. My wife took five minutes to brush her own hair and freshen up only to be told by the child that," she didn't not agree to that". I have even caught my wife asking her daughters permission to eat, sleep, sit down and shower.
I appreciate its probably just as frustrating for my wife. But how do you childless by choice people cope with there always being a reason why you as an individual or as a couple have to miss out and the frustrations that come with it?
Please try not judge, I really do feel terrible for admitting it.😔