u/False-Nebula-9613

I am a former “gifted kid” intrigued by kink or d/s but can’t get past the idea of being “in trouble” all the time (I lean sub).

Since there is some confusion about what gifted means: it means that I was put in reading classes when I didn’t need to be and taken out of class for “assessment” because I was special.

It also meant that from k-4 my mother had my teachers fill out “behavior forms” about how I did that day. Usually bad. So I got the punishment and shame from the teacher and then again from my mother.

How do I deal with this? Is the lifestyle just not for me?

As the flair says, I’m aware this is probably a confidence thing.

I (33f) find I can’t even really fully enjoy sex and get lost in it anymore. I like the sensations, I can reach orgasm. But even before my current predicament (lots of boring psych stuff there, happy to explain if anyone wants) I could never just… lose myself.

And I think part of it is, I’m so obsessed with being desired because/while I think there’s nothing about me worth desiring. So during the act or activity I’m constantly worried that the person touching me will suddenly realize what an awful orc of a woman I am. Or that I’ve somehow coerced them into touching me. Into wanting me.

I guess I’m hoping to prompt discussion. Hoping for advice. Hoping to connect.

Being human is hard.