u/False-Owl-8798

Our father was heavily abusive and hit me and my sister a ton.

Today, she got mad at me and compared me to him because i called her out for ignoring me as much as possible (i didnt do anything, idk why she does this, but im pretty sure its for a reaction or she just doesnt care)

I obviously looked sad after, and my mother asked me what was wrong. Upon telling her, she went into a five minute rant about how wrong i was to talk to her like that and how she likely misinterpreted my messages (i was clearly telling her to stop ignoring me), before she goes upstairs and i hear her knock on my sisters door, and begin comforting her once she opens the door.

I hate my fucking life

I 18ftm) am autistic and ive been previously violently abused by my father (no longer in picture). Shes never physically hit me and she says im lucky to have her as a mother, so idk if im just being overdramatic or not?

List of things she has done:

Keeps threatening to send me back to a psych ward that was horrible to me. (I did not want to go in the first place, and it only made my mental health worse (i was sent for depression))

Asks me if i want her to die, telling me that im killing her, and that she cant keep on like this.

Told a therapist i was “mentally incompetent, wont ever live on my own, and would be financially dependent on her for my entire life.”

Refuses to use the right pronouns for me, blames me being autistic, mentally ill, and trans for her inability to get a date

Keeps pointing out everything wrong with my appearance, has threatened to cut off my hair because i have trouble maintaining it because “you say you’re depressed, depressed people don’t get to have long hair”

Keeps pointing out my weight and pressuring me to shave my body hair (the ones not in public eye, like armpit and bush. WHY does she want those shaved? Noones seeing them!!)

Keeps telling me that if i dont “get my act together” im going to end up in a group home “with a bunch of other disabled people for the rest of your life”

Not shy about favouring my sibling over me

Points out my OCD whenever it comes up and starts scolding me for having it, saying that its legitimately concerning and that she was convinced im not taking my medication (i am)

Mows right over any boundaries i attempt to set, and then gets incredibly mad when i cross one of hers.

Says that im ablest to myself because i cant do things like a neurotypical would

At one point she “Cleaned her hands of me” and declared that im not allowed to ask her for anything (food, car rides, etc. reminder that shes my sole caretaker and i cannot drive). Next day acted like nothing happened

Refuses to admit I could be having trouble with schoolwork or keeping my space tidy because it’s “easy for her” and always ignoring whenever I tell her that it’s hard for me to do so

Is, for some reason, attempting to persuade me to live in her basement and pay her rent instead of moving out?

Plus a bunch of other stuff, but idk. I feel lost and confused whenever i try to talk to her about it because she then turns it around on me and accuses me of ruining her life