u/False_Sky8709

I think I’m posting because I need outside perspective. I feel emotionally exhausted and honestly can’t tell anymore whether I’m being unreasonable, too emotional, too forgiving, or if this situation would hurt anyone this badly.

My husband (26M) and I (25F)have been together for 4.5 years and married for 1.5 years. Up until recently, I genuinely thought we would make it through anything together. Despite everything that’s happened, I still care about him deeply.

What makes all of this harder is that our struggles didn’t just start with me.

Back in January of last year, my husband got laid off from his marketing job. About a month later, he lost his second job too. For months, he was grinding nonstop doing Uber, Amazon, DoorDash, and whatever else he could to make money while I was the one with the more stable income at the time.

I supported him through that period the best I could. I never judged him for struggling financially or made him feel lesser because he lost work. Even before that, he had often helped me financially too because neither of us were making great money, and I was always grateful for that support. We both just supported each other no matter what.

But eventually the roles did switch, and I think that’s where a lot of resentment started building between us.

Around July/August of last year, I quit my management job at a fast food chain because the environment had become toxic. I thought I had found a better opportunity at another management position with better pay, so I took it.

But after only a couple weeks, it fell apart too, and I suddenly had no stable income.

At the exact same time, my sister was going through a crisis involving her relationship and had to move out, so I was helping get her to and from work constantly while trying to manage my own life.

Then my great grandmother died and mentally I just collapsed after that.

I’m not going to sit here and pretend I handled everything perfectly, because I didn’t. I became depressed. I struggled mentally in ways I hadn’t before. I also deal with chronic illness, which affects my ability to work consistently sometimes, and I struggled with addiction issues during that period too.

I eventually started doing Amazon and DoorDash to try to contribute again, but financially things were still horrible, and my husband ended up carrying most of the bills for a long time.

I know that hurt him. I know it created resentment. I’ve apologized many times because I truly never intended for our lives to become this.

From around August through January, we fought constantly. Everything became about stress, finances, resentment, and communication problems.

One thing that’s been especially painful for me emotionally is feeling like he turned me into the “bad guy” to his family while leaving out the ways he hurt me too.

For example, he called me lazy behind my back to his family because after working, doing schoolwork, sharing one car, and trying to mentally decompress, I would spend a couple hours streaming games at night. He constantly talked badly about my sister and her fiancé to basically everyone in his family because he disapproved of their lifestyle (they smoke). He told me certain friends weren’t allowed over anymore because he didn’t like that they smoked, even if they weren’t bringing anything around him.

And what hurts is that I tried really hard earlier this year to reconnect emotionally and communicate better. I admitted my faults openly. I apologized. I told him I understood how badly the financial strain had affected our relationship and that I wanted us to reconnect emotionally instead of drifting further apart.

For a while, it honestly felt like we were getting better.

We were laughing together more. Talking more. Being affectionate again. I wasn’t fully letting my guard down, but I finally felt hopeful for the first time in months.

Then a few days ago, we decided to divorce.

Now I’m sitting here with no stable job, no car, no money, awful credit, and honestly no idea how I’m supposed to rebuild my life.

My own car got totaled months ago, and I had been using his vehicle to work when I could. Now he doesn’t want me using it anymore.

And this is where my feelings become conflicted.

Part of me understands it’s technically his car and he doesn’t owe me access to it anymore. But another part of me feels abandoned because I can’t imagine watching someone I loved struggle this badly and not wanting to help them transition into stability, especially when we both spent years supporting each other financially and emotionally at different times.

He says he isn’t rushing me out of the apartment as long as I “don’t take advantage of him,” and I truly am grateful for that. But emotionally I feel trapped, ashamed, scared, and honestly kind of discarded.

I don’t think either of us are fully innocent in the breakdown of this marriage. I know I contributed to the financial stress and emotional exhaustion. But I also feel like a lot of my worst moments are being held against me forever while his behavior gets minimized.

The last few days especially have been incredibly hard on me. We officially decided to divorce five days ago.. everything still feels extremely fresh and unreal.

I have been trying to put in job applications where I can, but honestly I’ve also been severely depressed and struggling to cope. I’ve spent a lot of time drinking, smoking, isolating myself, and honestly just trying to emotionally survive all of this. I know I probably need to move faster than I am, and I do feel guilty about that, but mentally I feel completely overwhelmed.

At the same time, I’ve also realized how many people in my life genuinely care about me, and I’m incredibly grateful for that support. My sister, the same sister my husband constantly criticized, bought groceries for me so I’d have food at home. My mom and brother have been checking on me constantly and helped me replace my driver’s license after I lost it. My cousin even offered to help me buy a cheap Facebook Marketplace car with her own paycheck even though she barely makes enough to comfortably do that herself. One of my closest friends has even been covering my phone bill for me temporarily so I don’t lose service.

I’m grateful beyond words for the people trying to help me stay afloat right now. I know I’m not completely alone. But at the same time, all of this support still doesn’t answer the bigger question in my head, which is: how do you even begin rebuilding when your entire life collapses all at once?