Confused on Masking and How much I actually do it
Hi all,
I was diagnosed with Autism when I was in 2nd grade but didn't know about it until high school.
Since then I never really thought about masking, I'd heard the term and thought I understood what it meant but yesterday I was reading other people's experiences and it made me realize that I think I mask almost constantly when it comes to every conversation I have, even with my family and friends that know I'm Autistic.
The examples that really stuck out to me from other people that I recognize in myself was how during conversations I'm always questioning in my head if this person is annoyed by what I'm saying, or if I'm talking too much about myself and my own experiences. I really thought that was how everyone thought because it's how I've been thinking my whole life.
It scares me because that's how I've always entered conversations and I don't really know what its like to not think like that during every conversation.
So I don't really understand if that is necessarily considered masking or if I'm misunderstanding the term and what it means. If anybody has any perspectives on this I would appreciate hearing them because I'm very confused on if this is actually masking, and if it is then I don't really know who I am without it.