My job is making miserable, when to go.
So, I graduated in May ‘25 and struggled for months to get a job. Ultimately, I moved to a city a few hours away. Landed a med surg job that hired me on the spot. I applied for a day position but when I got there they told me it was nights. I’m in month 3 and it’s so rough. I was on days for 2 months, had a really good relationship with my preceptor and was doing well.
Then, I switched to nights. It’s been really hard. My preceptor is helpful, but has made some comments about me. Like for example, I asked her to help me w/ packing a wound (1st time doing so after watching her demonstration the night prior) and she asked me in front of the patient where I did my clinicals and remarked that they clearly weren’t very hands on. Then suggested that I go home and watch some YouTube videos. I asked about a lab test today, just clarifying the order and she told me to start using my head. Also, they’ve been putting me at 5 pts and when I remarked that I felt overwhelmed she said “see this is why I was worried about you not being ready and don’t let anyone hear you say that”. On top of that, I felt like I just wasn’t getting clear feedback, but management told me I was overthinking and doing well. They gave me a few shifts with a different preceptor and I felt better, got clearer feedback.
Anyway, I’m set to come off orientation next week. My manager did my schedule and it’s a mess. Like no more than 2 days off in a row, maybe 3 sometimes. One night on, one off. I spoke up about potentially clustering more shifts and was told that that can’t happen but that they will “see in the future”. I said i understand it can’t be guaranteed, but that clustered shifts is helping me adjust and I appreciate it where it can be done. Ive been told that scheduling is abysmal at this job. They’re always short staffed anyway.
I’ve also been told I can come back to days at end of summer as of now. I’m not even sure if that will make me feel better at this point, but anything is an improvement from scattered night shifts. Overall, the patients can be heavy, the unit is chaotic with lots of staff safety being jeopardized, pts injuring nurses and just chaos. I cry every morning when I get off. I don’t want to eat, leave bed. I cry thinking about going in. I’m in therapy, but it’s all too much. My anxiety is so high and idk if this is a normal rite of passage or just not the job for me. I go between thinking this is just normal growing pains and thinking it’s not normal for a job to be taking a mental toll on me. Wondering about others experiences.