Any tips for living with a BPD parent as an adult?
Hi everybody! First post to this sub. I am graduating college and unfortunately due to the economy and the recent AI bubble, finding a job has been difficult. I did everything in my power to try to find a job where I could support myself and live on my own, but unfortunately it isn’t financially viable anymore.
This means moving back in with my mother and father. Recently I started going to therapy about it 6 months ago, and it’s been awesome. Both my psychiatrist and my therapist said that a lot of my childhood trauma and my mother’s behavior can be explained by bpd. Honestly now that I know the diagnostic criteria, it makes so much sense.
I love my mom, and she deserves kindness, empathy, love, validation, and support. But it is so. Hard. To be around her. She used to tell me growing up that she was soiling the nest so that we wouldn’t come back after college, and now that I don’t want to live with her she’s been freaking out, losing it, being very aggressive and angry. Every conversation we have devolves into an argument. I don’t have any sort of other relationship where this happens, friends or family. Anything that I do that’s different from her is ‘wrong’ and she is extremely possessive over me. I was in a meeting with a professor and she began to spam text me, telling me to step out and call her, and when I told her no she said I wasn’t going to get any gas money from her to go home. Everyday is exhausting. My dad isn’t much help, either validates her every emotion or says ‘I don’t want to hear about it’ and goes to his room.
My question is, anyone who’s been in this situation, what’s the best way to survive? I plan on being out of the house as much as possible, but I worry if I don’t follow exactly what she wants I will wake up with my phone or keys taken and hidden. I am trying to find a job asap, honestly just anything, to gain some level of financial freedom and to keep me out of the house as much as possible. The other thing that sucks is because I am moving out of state I am losing my therapist as she isn’t licensed in my home state. Any advice is welcomed!!!