Complex trauma- Trigger ⚠️
Hi 👋🏻 I don't even know where to start, so here goes, I'm massively struggling right now, I'm not wanting to sh but my head is hurting. Long story short I had a traumatic childhood, I was abused in all forms from a young age, witnessed severe dv, addict mother, violent father. No one cared for me. I was in and out of care and some how was always sent back before I was permanently removed at 9. I've always known there was something wrong with me mentally, but when I went in to care permanently the carer told me we deal with our own problems we don't need to involve others, so thats what I did, I pushed it all away behind walls, I completely forgot some things until recently. I did a subject access request with my local council for social services files and I found awful stuff out, like me making allegations at a very young age of sa and been labelled a fantasist by the police. I have been doing complaints with all these services that failed me massively as a child. Social Services have admitted to failing me. And now here I am at the bottom of the barrel and I don't know what to do, I feel like im having an outta body experience, and I don't know how to get back down to the ground. My head is hurting all day everyday, my moods are so all over the place, I'm angry, all these emotions are flooding in and I honestly feel like I'm drowning and I dont know what's going to happen next, my anxiety is bad anyway always has been but at the minute I can't even put in to words how bad it is :( I have spoke to my doctor who has referred me to PCMHT so it's gonna be a waiting game. I was on the phone to the crisis team yesterday just so someone could calm me down. Any advice or anything would be great, I just needed to tell someone, I have a loving husband and 2 beautiful kids, and obviously my husband is supportive but I feel like I need a person with no emotional attachment thanks :)