Am I a narcissist
Apparently I show traits of a narcissist particularly the covert narcissist.Ive gone to therapy since 14yo (am 22yo)to treat my depression and anxiety. Ive had issues of being able to empathize with people because I don’t want to or think that there is a need to.I can feel for people close to me. If they are going through a bumpy road I can relate. I am highly envious of others . I just have a overwhelming desire to be highly successful to rub it in everyones face. I have scenarios in my head where I am either famous or incredibly rich. I always thought I am superiorly talented when honestly I am barely mediocre. I struggle with substance usage and already od once . Recently I had issues in my relationship because I can’t display affection or romantic behaviors . Fiancé brought it up to me that I may be a covert narcissist because of a tik tok and now is sure that I am narcissistic because of my traits of holding grudges and holding it against people around me. I don’t have any friends that are close in fact I don’t have any friends.I don’t feel like I need them. I am trying to change but what little work im doing is not enough for my Fiancé. I talked to a therapist who believed that my characteristics come from my narcissistic type mom who was sweet but overly critical. We went over attachment theory and how he thinks that im just distant with too many barriers around me. I have been very manipulative in my past and to a certain extent I still am. I just carry so much hate. My only example of love was my mom using my stepdad to give me the life she wanted for me. I held a pretty decent life with solid middle class advantages . My mom always had this thing that she wanted people to know we were well off by buying designer stuff and has rubbed that on to me. In fact she contacted me asking why I dont dress expensive as much anymore I let her know my financial situation doesnt allow me to spend on such luxuries. My girl is already at the end of her rope because of my lack of vulnerability and I dont know what to do. She cries every other day almost and I dont like it. It makes me feel bad about me. Any ideas?