bf (18m) watched porn that looked like his ex & i (18f) have been unable to let it go
i found out april 3rd of this year and since finding out i've been stalking this girl, unable to stop bringing her up and i even went as far as messaging her telling her how gross she makes me feel about myself, because of her.
a couple weeks after that, boyfriend and i argued, he ended up going to his car trying to sleep there but ended up actually jerking off to a random brunette on some app. i've been basically consumed by this.
since i last caught him, yes my boyfriend has stopped watching porn (to my knowledge)
i just still think about it and i go down rabbit holes, shes a normal girl with a normal life, just also happens to be on OF/ etc.
i've genuinely been losing my mind about this, im so insecure now. we don't have sex anymore, and our relationship is basically over due to me being unable to get over this. i don't know if im wrong for it. but it really hurt my feelings, the girl & his ex look fucking identical. even his ex girlfriend said so herself, because i felt so bad that i ended up talking to anyone that would listen to me about it.
yesterday, we got into ANOTHER argument over this same shit and it all exploded. he told me he isn't even into blondes (I AM BLONDE.), and so much more.
he told me i didn't understand because he "doesn't see it the same way i do" but that would literally mean HE does not understand. i feel so trapped and insecure, i don't even want him seeing me naked, i don't want him near me.
i feel like a literal pig in my own home. i'm always so sad, and so in my own head. i don't know why i can't let it go, and honestly i don't know if i ever will. thanks for reading, if you did. please let me know your thoughts, i just feel so anxious and so insecure all the time now. i don't know what to do.