Unnecessary cruelty
Hello friends,
I still haven’t managed to get away from my abuser, and right now I feel hollow and broken. I could really use some encouragement and support.
Last week, I had to take my dog in for surgery. For weeks beforehand, my Dom — who is also my abuser — kept “joking” that he had a gun and could just shoot my dog in the back of the head instead. Every time he said it, it hurt me deeply. My dog is precious to me. He’s family.
Then on the actual day of the surgery, instead of comforting me, he berated me for taking my dog in at all and repeated that he could have just killed him instead.
I finally told him that what he said hurt my feelings. I explained that my dog matters to me, that he still has so much life left, and that joking about killing him wasn’t funny to me at all.
His response was to scream at me over voice messages and tell me this is why he doesn’t spend much time with me and why he chooses other women over me.
We’ve been together for two years. During that time, he showed no compassion when I went through heart surgery last year, no compassion when I lost a close friend, and now no compassion toward the animals I love. Yet when he was struggling emotionally during custody battles over his son, he expected me to drop everything and comfort him whenever he needed me. And I did, because I cared about him.
What hurts so much is that I never asked for his opinion about my dog’s life or wellbeing. I don’t even bring my animals around him because he yells at them and punishes them simply for being affectionate.
And now, after I calmly told him my feelings were hurt, he blocked me. I’m the one being punished for speaking honestly about something that devastated me.
A week later, I’m still blocked. I’m still replaying everything in my head. He has a way of making me feel like I’m somehow the problem for being hurt by cruel behavior.
Usually I see him twice a week, and things can feel wonderful until he suddenly goes out of his way to emotionally destroy me again. I think part of why I’m struggling so much is because I keep holding onto those good moments and hoping they’re the “real” version of him.
I know this isn’t healthy. I know this isn’t love.
I just feel incredibly heartbroken and alone right now, and I would really appreciate any encouragement or support.