u/Fantastic_Claim_6270

I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for 3 years who I’ve basically grown up with and had a 10 year friendship with (from school).

When we got in a relationship he expressed to me that he wanted his wife to wear a hijab and I told him that’s fine because I wanted to wear one anyway (I had previously worn it before in uni but struggled so I took it off).

I come from a non religious family and found Islam myself and became practicing. His family is very religious and he was raised this way. Every single woman in his family where’s a hijab whereas in mine no one really does.

The relationship was really rocky and based on a lot of haraam we would commit a lot of zina i even got pregnant and had to go through an abortion. Naturally committing all these acts made me less religious over time.

But still he’d tell me to put on a hijab otherwise he won’t marry me and won’t introduce his family to me because his family won’t approve.
This was an issue for so long and I did try to wear it for him but I was so depressed that he hadn’t given me the freedom to come to my own decision and I felt like I was just being forced to do something.
So I took it off and he convinced his parents to meet me anyway and that he still wanted to marry me.
Now I thought everything would be ok, he told me I can wear it after marriage in my own time and wants me to work on myself spiritually and build myself up to wear it.

We are meant to be getting engaged soon but all of a sudden he’s changed and become very strict and harsh with hijab and not understanding at all , he says I need to wear it before we get married. It causes so many arguments most days it’s so draining. Its just pushed me away more from wearing it I hate even hearing the word hijab now. I don’t understand why he can’t have a softer approach with it and be more encouraging?

He also is not the perfect Muslim himself, I tried to stop the zina and repent but he did not stop he ended up carrying on forcing me to do things I don’t want to.

His family also hates the fact that I don’t wear it and make comments about it ruining the family reputation and their honour.

I don’t want to break things off, I just want him to be more understanding and not pressure me or give ultimatums but it seems there’s no way to change his mind. He doesn’t understand he’s causing more harm than good.