Recovering after really bad trip
(TW- SA mention)- I (f24) have taken shrooms 4 times, with my first three experiences being very chill, calm, and not a super crazy trip. The first three times I took about 3-3.5g, along with smoking some weed. I saw mild visual hallucinations, but nothing crazy. Last night, I really wanted to experience a more intense trip. So I took 5.5g after smoking a bunch of weed. (I also have diagnosed adhd, autism, and anxiety if that matters). At first, everything seemed like normal shrooms. The walls started getting all wavy, the lights were brighter, I was listening to my records, and my two roommates (also my best friends of many years) were hanging out with me, just smoking weed and baking. All of a sudden, something changed. I accidentally left my record on too long and it started skipping. I freaked out, ran upstairs into my collection room (I am a Barbie collector and have an entire room full of them). I looked around and my entire room was destroyed. My dolls clothes were ripped up, they were all over the floor and I thought my shrooms were all over the place as well. I started panicking, wondering how I messed up my entire room and tried picking them up. I went into my bedroom and found it was also destroyed. I was panicking hardcore at this point, and started to believe the cats got into the shrooms, ate them and died. I kept thinking of the movie obsession, where the cat died from Bear’s pills and thought I did that to them. I went downstairs and the entire house was a wreck. I thought I blacked out and destroyed all of our shit and killed the cats. I started trying to pick things up, and at this point my roommates intervened because I was about to throw away a bunch of my stuff because I thought it was trash. I was hysterical, sobbing and apologizing to my roommates for wrecking shit. They sat me on the couch and wrapped me in a blanket and tried to calm me down, but I was inconsolable. They showed me the cats were okay, but I still couldn’t calm down. Eventually I fell asleep and had an extremely graphic, real feeling nightmare in which I was stalked and repeatedly SA’d by a gross old man. I woke up suddenly sobbing at 2am, still paranoid about the state of the house, but when I looked around everything was fine. Nothing was wrecked or broken, I hallucinated everything. I violently threw up the rest of the shrooms and attempted to sleep, but I probably only got 4 hours. It’s now the next day, and I still feel horrible. I’m exhausted, I feel emotionally drained and empty, I feel disconnected with reality and keep disassociating. The thought of doing shrooms or any other psychedelic again terrifies me, and I even feel turned off from weed despite being a huge stoner and smoking almost every day for the last 2 years. How do I get out of this fog and feel like myself again?