u/Fantastic_Panic_6807

I don't understand how I've been in therapy for a bit of my life, and after I turn 18, I get pushed into accusations of having a personality disorder. My last therapist said she couldn't help me anymore and referred me to a psychologist because my behaviors were too extreme and I was "refusing her help" (whatever that means. How can I be refusing your help if I show up to sessions every week?). Now I'm just here and trying to sort myself out.

How am I unjustified for reacting in a certain way to different things because I "have" NPD? I understand the lack of empathy part, not being able to connect with others, and so on, whatever. I don't know if I'm comfortable with my therapist and psychologist trying to explain to me that everything I do is wrong and not appropriate, when people continuously provoke me and get me to act this way. Most days, I'd say I am a rather normal person, but the moment someone does something to me that makes me reasonably upset, I have to deal with how my response isn't "appropriate" (as if what they did to me is appropriate?)

Is it worth pursuing trying to get evaluated for something else, or is there any way I can bring up being misdiagnosed to my therapist? It just feels wrong. I'm very much capable of thinking about my own actions, and I know when I do things. I'm better at processing the things I do.

Now, I'm in a spot where people (especially my parents, who know of this diagnosis) can do shitty and annoying things to me, and the moment I respond, they act like they're the victim of my "abuse" since "I have NPD." I really can't stand it anymore. I can't stand being treated like some evil person who isn't aware of anything or doesn't have a functioning brain. I don't think this diagnosis is right for me at all, and I need it corrected. I think. I don't know I feel like I'm going crazy, and I don't like this mistreatment. Also, even other people with personality disorders question if I'm faking because of how "aware" I am, so it doesn't make sense.

Close relationships aren't a thing I really do or care about. I have some people I like to keep in my close circle for convenience (like needing someone to go out with), but I generally don't care if I have to cut them off and find someone else. I haven't really felt bad if I lose a friend unless it involves me being seen as the "bad guy" in the situation.

The main reasons why I struggle to connect with others:

1. I get annoyed with any clinginess or any need to constantly be around me. At the same time, I get irritated if someone doesn't respond the way I want when I seek them out.

2. I don't like when people vent to me or try to talk to me. I always just get annoyed and hate people with problems less than mine who decide to complain

3. In group settings its easier to make a false identity to get people to like you and praise you. One-on-one relationships are too vulnerable, and never end well once they get to know me.

There are a lot of people who like me as a person, but I also always suspect them of coming out to get me, and I lash out at them before they can. I like being constantly surrounded by people who see highly of me, but I don't see the point in getting to know any of them personally unless I'm bored and or need entertainment. It's weird because I am aware of this within myself, but whenever it's in the moment and I act this way, I can't bring myself to care or feel guilt.

I just get annoyed with the people around me. I'll hang out with them and have the time of my life, but then talk about how much I hate them hours or a day later. Then I'll go after them again, get them to forgive me (which they usually do), and then it's good until I get bored or annoyed.

Again, I know this is a problem, but I keep doing it, and I don't have any guilt or empathy that gives me motivation to change.