Balancing sex envy with acceptance
I am someone who loves sex but I could never do a casual hookup to save my own life. I go to a lot of queer events where there is a lot of sexual energy in the air. I see my friends meet someone at the bar and go from exchanging names to hooking up in the bathroom in a matter of minutes. While I'm excited for them, I feel this tremendous amount of envy like I wished I could easily do something like that. The opportunity is certainly there for me, but the moment I would get approached by someone introducing themselves to me with a smile and touching my arm, I start to freeze up.
Things that pop up in my head are: "I won't be able to get hard." "They're gonna think I'm not interested in them at all." "He's hot, but I barely know them, so making out will just feel performative."
They can quickly sense the emotional wall I put up, and they walk away. Similarly if I try to initiate by complementing someone on their outfits or engaging in conversation, they may immediately think I'm hitting on them. Even if I find the person attractive, it takes a couple of interactions before my body is even able to signal that I want to hookup. I also don't discriminate who I choose to complement or engage in conversation. I prioritize connection first before sex even comes in mind, and this sometimes even leads me into hookups with people who aren't my type.
It can oftentimes feel lonely being the one guy left out while others are talking about all their fun sexcapades from going out. I'm still learning to find acceptance being demisexual, but it's hard.