Disappointed again…
The backstory: My relationship with my MM started 4 years ago. We had already known each other through work; our companies were partners and I spoke to him almost daily. Nothing happened during this time, I knew he was married. I was so insanely attracted to him but never even considered going there. Eventually our companies stopped working together and a year and a half goes by. He found out from a mutual that I was attracted to him. He reached out because he was in my part of town and offered to pick me up on his motorcycle which ended in a a beer at the bar. He then told me he was getting a divorce. That’s where it began. He traveled for work and I followed him everywhere. I was sooo happy. A year went by and he still hadn’t filed but it was too late and I was in love and stuck. We were head over heels for each other. They have a daughter that is the LOHL and it got to a point where he didn’t want to jeopardize losing her. But we didn’t stop. He even moved to another state. Before the move, he said him and his wife were talking about separating. Then last minute, they had a long talk about how they were going to work on it and they all moved across the country.
We still kept on, although we had many talks of stopping. His marriage never got better. Fast forward to March of this year, I finally ended it. I said you’re never going to leave and I want a future and a family. A month and a half goes by, we catch up for a quick call then go back to not talking. Until a week later, he calls and says he filed. I was his first call. A couple days go by and he was waiting for her to be served. I could tell he needed some space so I gave it to him. 2.5 weeks went by and I didn’t hear anything so I checked in. He admits that the filing is on pause and they’re talking things through and going to “actually try this time.” I’m furious at him and devastated at myself for falling for it again. I was finally feeling hopeful in March when I ended it and started to envision life without him. Then he came back, giving me hope for us, just to take it all back again. At this point, I wish I never met him. I know that loves me, he tells me all the time. He tells his friends (that know his wife) about me, calls me when he’s drunk with his friends and tells them I’m the love of his life. But he’s not going to do anything about it. I’ve just had enough of not being prioritized.