Am I being unrealistic about dating a single dad?
I’m in my mid twenties dating a guy in his mid thirties. He's honestly the best partner I've ever had. He's kind, emotionally supportive, consistent, and makes me feel genuinely loved.
The issue is that he has a child with very high support needs. His child is non-verbal, uses a wheelchair, and currently lives with their mum, but my boyfriend has them every other weekend. They're on a waitlist for long-term care home facility, but nobody knows how long that'll take.
For the first few months we dated, the child was living in another state, so he never had them on weekends. I never really experienced this side of the relationship, and I think that's why it's hitting me now. I honestly blame myself for not thinking further ahead and realizing what dating a parent would actually look like long term. I only really understood the reality once it became part of our routine.
I've been very clear with my boyfriend from the beginning that I don't think I'll ever love a child that isn't mine, and I don't want to have a parenting role or be involved in raising them. He's been completely okay with that and always emphasises that he's been doing this on his own for years and has always said he's isn't looking for someone to step in and be a parent.
In a strange way, I think the disability actually makes it easier than if the child didn't have one. In some ways yes, in other ways no as them not talking makes it even harder for me to feel any connection to the child. At least they’re not asking me to be a stepmum going to parent-teacher interviews or sports games. The care they need is very different, which somehow feels less intimidating to me.
The problem is that I only really enjoy the weekends when he doesn't have the child. On the weekends he does, Friday night and most of Sunday are off-limits, and Saturday is the only time we really get together because there's a carer for a while.
Realistically, I know that i can never be his top priority since he has a child, and I'm struggling with whether I can actually accept that having to fit my life around a child that’s not mine / i’m not ready for. He's an amazing boyfriend and makes time for me whenever he can. I'm just questioning whether I'm actually suited to dating someone with a child.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Did these feelings change over time, or was it a sign that the relationship wasn't right for you?